Wounds of War
by Wiggle34
Summary: Ok this is my take of what happened towards the end of the last episode and on wards. There are spoilers in here too by they way :)
1. Chapter 1

Title -

Author - ME - Wiggle34

Rating - PG

Disclaimer - I do not own Sea Patrol or its characters, only those I make up that are not part of the show.

A/N – Set end of season 5 and after :)

**Request for Transfer**

**Name: Commander Mike James Flynn**

**Position: CO of HMAS Hammersley**

**Reason: Due to events that have surrounds myself and Hammersley over the last year I feel it is best to be posted to another vessel. Please find attached the recommendation from my councillor regarding me.**

**Commander Mike Flynn**

Fleet Command sit there reading through the letter from Mike's councillor.

Approved is then stamped over his transfer.

"Commander White speaking." Maxine says as she answers her phone with Jim and Madeline in her office.

"Ok I understand what is his new position?"

"Ok and what is happening to her CO and who is taking over Hammersley?"

"OK when will all this take effect."

"That is only in four days Sir." Maxine says shocked.

"I understand Sir. Yes I will make sure he knows. Will her replacement be in to see me before then?"

"That is good thank you Sir." Maxine then hangs up the phone.

"I hope you've got this terrorist thing nearly wrapped up Ms Cruise."

"Hard to say Commander White."

"Well in four days you will have to brief a new CO on what is going on."

"What do you mean brief a new CO?" she asks back.

"Commander Flynn is being transferred on medical grounds. And before you say anything I cannot over ride this. Doctors' orders sorry." Maxine says before Madeline can sink her teeth in some more. Jim sits there thinking to himself.

"So where do you need to be taken Captain Roth?"

"Well I want to know more about where Mike and his crew meet up with these sailors that they found with Radiation poisoning." The three talk some more as Hammersley is guiding its way back into port with its decreased passengers on board.

**Cairns**

**Naval Port**

"Just the woman I wanted to see." Jim says when he sees Kate as he is walking on Hammersley

"Rubbish, I bet you're here for some terrorist related reason." She says joking to him her voice light and a smile on her face as she walks towards him.

"I need to talk to you" He says to her his tone of voice serious, as he moves away from her and starts to put his bags down.

Well now I am curious" She says as she loses her joking mood to him

"What is it she asks him worried about what might be coming next from him. He moves closer up to her after placing his bags, down and removes the cup from her hand and places it up behind her head.

"Kate when I was younger, my grandmother said to me once, one day you will find the woman that you are willing to change your life for." Jim pauses and reaches into his pocket to get something out "She gave me this" He says as he starts to unwrap the item in his hand that is wrapped in "before she died. It's her engagement ring I want to give it to you. Kate is surprised and shocked by him.

"I know this may seem a little bit out of the blue." He says and all she can say back is yea

"I love you with all my heart I want to marry you."

"I ar.. I wasn't expecting this." She responds back with her mind and heart saying so many different things all at once, yes no Mike.

"I know what I won't Kate and it's you." He says as he passes her the ring before saying "Think about it."

"I will… think about it." She says shock sounding before he pulls her in for a kiss.

"Jim I will think about it." She says half smiling with her hand on the side of his face caressing it. She walks away feeling all sorts of emotions.

Damn not the response I was hoping for damn Flynn really does have a hold on her. Jim thinks to himself after asking Kate. No you had to do it cause if she doesn't know where you want to take this she will be back with Mike before you have a chance again. He's going to be off this boat in a few days and going by the fact she didn't say anything she doesn't know yet. Nope tonight if we are in port I will show her what she means to me surely then she will say yes to the proposal. He thinks to himself as he puts his stuff away on Hammersley.

**Hammersley**

**CO Cabin**

Mike is on the phone to Maxine.

"I can check with my XO and ask her about it and see if they could of possible dumb it over board." Mike says

"That would be good also Mike while we are on the phone your transfer request has been approved your being shifted to HMAS Melbourne, she is due to dock in Cairns in three days for a stock up you will be taking over as CO once she docks."

"Who's taking over Hammersley then?"

"Lieutenant Commander Nick Watt, he's on his way to Cairns as we speak also Mike it would have been nice for you to inform me of this more so the issues that have been brought to my attention. But we can talk more later about it, get back to me once you've heard from Kate."

"Will do Maxine and I didn't say anything as I didn't want you to worry you've had far more important things to be concerned about than me Maxine." He says before they quickly say goodbye and Mike heads to the bridge to contact Kate.

After talking to Kate he sits there thinking in his chair as they cruise back to port.

I finally am getting off Hammersley; wonder how serious she is about Jim and his proposal? Maybe I should ask her first before I tell her about being transferred, at least with Melbourne I can still stay Cairns based considering their patrol area is around this part of Australia providing support for our patrol boats.

A little later Hammersley has arrived back in cairns and Mike and Kate have agreed to have coffee in one of the local malls, Kate not wanting to do it anywhere private as she knows she won't be able to hide things. She knows in public Mike will be more control with what he says to her.

"Is it true?" he asks her after their drinks have been brought to the talk until then neither have spoken to each other.

"Yes but Dutchy shouldn't of said anything before I did"

"Don't you think I had a right to know…as CO of the ship?"

"As CO of the ship of course and I would have told you once I had time to consider it"

"Are you consider it"

"Yes I am seriously thinking about it"

"I see."

The two sit there in silence as they drink their drinks. Mike finishes his drink he looks at Kate. Do I or Don't I tell her.

"I hope Jim and you a happy life together." He says as he gets up. Deciding not to tell Kate he is leaving Hammersley not wanting to put pressure on her and her decision over if she should marry Jim. He walks away and Kate is left sitting there thinking.

What is going on with him? Oh well might go do some window shopping see if it helps me.

She walks around and comes to a bridal shop, as she looks at the dresses in the window she smiles, the ring on her finger her decision having been made thanks to Mike wishing her well and not being the pig headed man he can be at times.

She walks inside and asks to try on the dress she saw in the window, as the dress goes on her feelings start to change.

I love this dress, it looks so beautiful what will Mike think. No it's not Mike I'm marrying its Jim. I can't do this I can't marry Jim. No Kate you can remember you told Mike it was over if you wait around for someone else you will never get what you want. Jim wants you accept it. She thinks to herself.

That night Kate spent the night with Jim, they never talked about the proposal but Jim could feel things weren't as relaxed or enjoyable as they normally were for the two. Jim starts to wonder if Mike has told her about his transfer or if Maxine has. Jim has a restless night sleep, Kate didn't want to spend the night saying she was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep alone, it was another kick in the guys for Jim. He wouldn't express his views to her over it all just in case Mike hadn't said anything and Kate was like this on her own.

Mike was the pub when Dutchy caught up with him, Dutchy informed Mike that Kate broke things off to protect his career, and this left Mike stunned. He even tells him that she thinks it the most important thing in his life.

"Well Dutchy it doesn't really matter she is seriously considering accepting Jims offer and I'm being reassigned. No point dwelling on what could have been, just got to accept and move on with life."

"When did that happen boss?"

"The reassignment came through today I finish up in two days on Hammersley and then I move on to Melbourne."

"So is Kate getting her promotion then?" Dutchy asks.

"Nope you have a new CO coming into take over from me. Look I haven't told Kate she doesn't need me making things more complicated than they are."

"But Boss if she knows this surely she will say no to Jim."

"Dutchy if she says no I want her to say it because that is what she wants not because of me changing posts. Or worse she may say yes thinking I am only transferring now because of Jim asking her she won't understand that this has been in the pipe works for a while now. It's just only come through now."

"Do any of the crew know?"

"No Dutchy and I would prefer it if they didn't know for now. For the reason I just stated before Kate needs to make her choice on her own not with hearing about this news."

"But surely if she knew she would end it with Jim." Mike sits there not sure how to respond.

"I don't know Dutchy they've had a relationship before something I can't compete with."

**Hammersley the next day**

"Mike do you have time for a quick word in private?" Jim asks as they are leaving port.

"Sure Jim." He says as he leaves Dutchy in charge of the ship and both head off to his cabin.

**Mikes Cabin**

"What can I do for you Jim?" Mike asks.

"It regarding Kate and me."

"Yes she has told me about the proposal. Has she given you an answer yet?"

Jim stands there semi shocked.

"No not yet."

"Oh, well yesterday she seemed very serious about it all when I spoke to her about it. I wished the both of you a happy life together, and I also hoped she will be happy. Before I left to return to Hammersley."

"Does she know of your transfer?"

"Nope and I won't be telling her yet."

"Can I ask why?" Jim says to Mike the two look at each. Mike decides to be honest with this man, the one who now has Kate heart.

"Because I don't want her to be pushed away or towards you because of my transfer. I want whatever decision she makes to be without this information. If she decides to be with you then I know she is happy with you that she can be with you and around me and know it want affect her, if she refuses then I know she can't handle being around both of us. Knowing Kate she will think I am only transferring because you asked her to marry you. She won't see it any other way and that could be taken wrong by her and she may give you an answer she may later on regret." Surely she has even you an answer already?" He turns it back around to Jim.

"No I thought that maybe you had been whispering in her ear as last night she wasn't herself. I thought that maybe..."

"Jim I may not like you all that much on a personal front but there is no way I would do that, or go that low as to make her change her mind. If she wasn't herself then it was her and had nothing to do with me."

Later on the RHIBS's cruising through the water after the suspect vessel that is carrying the bomb. They board the vessel and find the bomb.

"I'll stay on board and see I can disarm it" Jim says to Kate, he knows her feelings truly lie with someone else. If I die then at least she doesn't have to say no to me. He thinks to himself.

"Harpy bring the RHIB over ASAP, Charge we're heading back to Hammersley." Dutchy says in the back ground as Kate and Jim look at each other.

"If you can't defuse it you give yourself time to get clear, you the boats tender, Jim you promise me

"I promise now get out of here." Kate leaves but she isn't too happy about leaving him on the boat, she knows she wasn't her normal self the night before and she is worried what he must be thinking.

Mike, Kate 2Dad's Charge, Dutchy, RO, Bird are all on the bridge watching the boat out in front of them.

Mike pipes the order to get off, Jim and Swain ignore the order and both crap a box of caesium before throwing it over board, they check the timer and go to jump when the next thing the boat is rocked by not one but two explosions and explodes.

"Charge deploy both RHIBS, we have a body recovery to do." Mike says as he watches Kate trying to get her emotions under control. She loves him; she is going to say yes if she hasn't already Mike thinks to himself as a few tears leave his eyes. At least I can blame that out there and not her for those tears He thinks to himself as he gathers himself back up and pushes it behind him for now.

"Any sign of them yet Charge?" Mike pipes through the radio.

"Sir we've found both of them."

"Status Charge?"

"Sir they both um have injuries." Charge says and everyone who can hear him hears the hitch in his voice.

"Sir, we need to get them back to shore ASAP, we need an ambulance, they've both have faint pulses." Charge yells. Bird is busy wrapping bandages as tight as she can around both their legs and arms. Charge helps her wrap anything and everything they can find on the RHIB to help stop blood flow. Harpy races them towards the nearest wharf hoping like hell they can get both there in time.

**Bridge**

**Hammersley**

"Dutchy take the second RHIB and get Kate to land so she can go with Jim." Mike says as he watches Kate silently crying having paid no attention to what is really going on. Dutchy can tell that his CO is struggling with what he is seeing in front of him re their XO. Dutchy guides Kate down to the RHIB as Mike pipes the orders for it.

Mike sits on the bridge overseeing everything as he waits for others to arrive to start the clean-up. Once Dutchy was back with one of the RHIB's he sent a crew out to patrol to make sure no one came into contact with the area and were kept out of the way it was surprising how many people in pleasure boats arrived to see what was going on.

About thirty minutes after Dutchy and his crew starts to patrol the second RHIB returned to Hammersley and Mike got another crew out helping as well. Charge stayed on the RHIB, Bird had gone to the hospital with Jim and Swain.

**NAVCOM**

**CAIRNS**

Maxine was busy trying to kept media at bay, inform families and also get recovery crews out to the location. And also the ambulance to the closet wharf to the RHIBS but also the hospital which happened to be the first wharf the RHIBS came to.

As she works away she is able to get several vessels to help but they are hours away, all shipping in and out of Cairns are being delayed due to the explosion now becoming a shipping issue.

**RHIBS**

**CARINS HARBOUR**

As Dutchy stands keeping an eye on everything around them he keeps on thinking about Mike and Kate, the Boss and X to him. He could tell Kate was cut up deep about Jim and him being hurt. He remembers seeing her when they thought the Boss had been killed back then she had a ship to run but he could tell she was hurting but this time she allowed her tears to fall. He started to wonder about her feelings towards the Boss; he was starting to wonder if she in fact was leading the boss on and now that she has no promotion and Jim. Mike is nothing to her.

**CARINS HOSPITAL**

Kate sits and waits in the waiting room for word on Jim, Sally is beside her as well. Both with tears falling down their faces, neither knowing if their loved ones where going to make it or not. Both praying that they will.

**HAMMERSLEY**

"Mike; Melbourne is arriving back into port this afternoon I need you to take over tonight she not having down time now."

"Maxine do you think that is wise?"

"Mike you have no choice you're taking over twenty four hours before you are meant too. Hammersley will be on stand down tonight and then go back out tomorrow at some stage."

"You will need to organise another XO Max, I doubt Kate will be sailing."

"Well Mike she has no choice all hands will be on deck tomorrow and tonight. Hammersley is only having down time because they been out all day with this."

"Oh so they get some down time and I end up working, great one Max."

"Hey I'm not the one who did a transfer request am I. Just deal with it Mike ok I know this can't be easy for you."

"Easy Max you must be bloody joking, right. Watching that boat explode seeing the state those two men were in and watching my XO falling apart in front of me because she has moved on to someone else is can't be easy bull crap it's heart wrenching OK." He snaps at Max. His frustrations from the last twenty four hours being taken out on his friend.

"Mike."

"No Maxine I've had enough don't go there ok. Once we are docked I will let the crew know they have down time till zero nine hundred tomorrow morning and I will go straight over to Melbourne once I am done. Happy."

"Mike don't be like this."

"Don't Max, I have to go." He says as he hangs up the phone in his cabin. Mike leaves his cabin after a few minutes of trying to get his head around the day's events and also Kate.

He goes up to the Bridge and finds Dutchy on the helm.

"Where's everyone else?" Mike asks him.

"I sent them off to do jobs and put a number of them on lookout for debris and people trying to get closer."

"Ok thanks Dutchy." He says quietly. It normal tone of voice not showing through.

"No problem Boss." He says as he looks at Mike. Hammersley is just sitting there idling in the water watching what is going on around them. For once Mike is pleased there is only Dutchy on the bridge with him. He can just sit and be himself.

"Sir Permission to speak freely?" Dutchy asks.

"Permission granted Dutchy no need to ask." He replies back as he steers out in front of them. Watching the RHIBS moving around.

"It's been an honour serving with you, but I think Kate doesn't deserve you, leading you on like she did before Jim came along. That just isn't right and fear on you."

"As I said last night not much I can do about it, Woman you never know what they are truly thinking. To be honest the only one that I have no real issues with is this girl." He says as he gives Hammersley a light pat on the console in front of him.

"I think you might be right there Boss. She does as she is told and when she doesn't there is always a good reason and one that we can find. Do you know if there are any positions free on Melbourne?"

"Whys that Dutchy?"

"I wouldn't mind staying under your command Boss. Your been the best to work with. We know our place but you allow us to be us."

"Not sure at this stage Dutchy and thank you. But just so you know you guys are getting tonight off and then be back out here tomorrow. I'm moving over tonight and coming straight back out here once we dock later on today."

"You're joking right, they expect you to work right through the night as well as watching what we did today. God does Knocker have no sense of feeling at all. We just lost a crew member." Dutchy says angerly.

"Maxine is just doing as she has too. Melbourne's CO can't stay on so I have no choice. We are only out here so shouldn't be too hard I hope, as long as I can stay awake."


	2. Chapter 2

**Cairns Hospital**

Sally and Kate are still sitting waiting for news.

**OR 2** – An hour after arriving in the hospital and going to the Operation Room

"His heart has stopped again."

"OK commence chest compressions,." The Surgeon says and as they get the defribulator ready to shock him, as they take their hands way to clear the patient his rhythm returns.

"Brad how is that leg amputation coming along?."

"Slow to be honest John, but I will get there." He replies back as he works at removing the limbs.

"Excuse me Doctor Roger, I've just been informed this patient has a NFCPR (Not for Cardiopulmonary resuscitation)"

"Excuse me Nurse Gow why wasn't I informed of this before we started surgery?"

"We have only now just received his service records Doctor." A student Nurse then asks what a NFCPR is, stating that she hadn't yet heard what this term was.

"Nurse Malone a NFCPR is a not for Cardiopulmonary resuscitation also known by outsiders as a DNR Do not resuscitate order. Do you know what either one of them means?" Doctor Roger asks the Student Nurse

"I know a DNR means that if the patient's heart stops they do not want it to be restarted again. Also meaning they do not want themselves to be revived."

"That is correct and a NFCPR means the same thing as a DNR."

"Ok everyone as per this patients advanced directive of a no CPR order, if his heart stops once again we will not be performing CPR.

They resume their work on the patient for another twenty minutes when the sound of a regular heart beat is lost and the sounds of a flat are heard. The anaesthetist confirming what has been heard, the pulse has been lost.. The team pulls away, switching off everything. One doctor starts to stitch up the patient as another one calls time of death.

"The possibility of him pulling through this was slim, John." Brad says to his colleague and friend John as they are changing out of their gowns.

"I know, but he was a serviceman. He put his life on the line to save ours; the least I could do was try and save his. Now to tell his family that he didn't make it."

The two head off to find the family to inform them of the outcome, but as they are making their way to speak to them they get called away.

**OR 3** - two hours after arriving at the hospital and entering the Operating Room

"Right, let's see if this holds shall we." Doctor Andrew Johnston says to his team.

"Benton, how are those leg wounds coming along?

"Good Andrew, all are fully cleaned out trimmed and half of them are have been sutured up. I need to put drains in to a few of these. I am not sure how much use he will have of his legs as some of these lacerations are extensive and have perforated the tendons and ligaments. Only time will tell if I have made the right choice with his left leg."

"What is the blood flow like in it, Benton?" Andrew asks as he checks his work finding no leaks.

"He registered blood flow through his foot; it is due to that, that I haven't considered seeking permission to remove his leg.."

"Doctor Carter, you can start closing up this gentlemen's stomach, while I help Doctor Jones." Andrew says as he helps Benton clean up the leg wounds but also watches on as Doctor Carter starts to close up the stomach.

"Wow some of these are nasty."

"Sure are I lost count on how many splinters of wood I have pulled out of all these wounds. Can you put a drain it to that wound there for me please?" Benton asks his colleague.

The two work side by side finishing off closing up most of the leg wounds. Some of the more minor ones are left alone once cleaned.

Once all of the wounds, had been closed up and the patient ready his wounds were then dressed.

**Four hours after entering the OR**

"Ok Can you make sure for the next twelve hours his obs are checked and recorded every ten minutes, and I will be back in two hours to check him over. We will keep him intubated and sedated for the time being. Give his body a chance to rest and heal before we look at bringing him out and seeing if he has any brain damage. The scan has come back clear at this point, but he was unconscious when found and never regained it before going under. Oh and nurse Finley can you make sure every fifteen minutes you run the pulse Doppler over both his feet if no pulse I want to be contacted straight away." Andrew says as the Anaesthetist writes the notes down and signs them off before handing them to the nurse just before they take the patient out of the OR (operating room) to recovery before moving up to ICU – (intensive Care unit)

"As long as infection doesn't set in he should make a good recovery."

"At least he was in salt water when it happened even though it was sea water it does help to a point in killing pathogens." The two doctors talk away as they take off their gowns and gloves and start to head towards their patients' family to inform them of what has happened.

**Back out on the water**

**Hammersley**

"Any word yet on Swain and Jim?" Dutchy asks Mike after returning with a brew for them both.

"No not yet." Mike says his voice low and quiet.

"Are you going to do anything regarding Kate?" Dutchy asks not sure what the boss is thinking, though within himself he feels like the Boss has been lead on by their XO. He also knows thanks to Kate that his Boss was prepared to resign to be with Kate so his feelings must be deep.

"Her emotions said enough to me Dutchy. In a way I'm pleased I am posting off; at least I won't have that daily reminder." He eventually says as they both watch HMAS Melbourne entering and returning back to Cairns Base.

"I thought there was a no go zone around us?" Dutchy asks as they watch Melbourne enter the harbour.

"There is, but Melbourne is allowed to enter AFP have cleared her, a plus she is helping with the watches and stuff. It's more the other vessels that need to be held back till AFP and that have done their thing and all the debris is collected. Navcom have tasked the search vessel Petaluma to come here and do the clean-up once AFP has cleared the area for clean-up. They are due to arrive later on tonight while I'm on Melbourne." Mike says to him.

"Have you had a chance to go over who you have in your crew?" Dutchy asks him trying to make some sort of small talk?"

"Maxine has emailed me my crew list, but with this going on I haven't had a chance to go over it yet. I will do it later."

**1800hours**

Mike has just gotten off the stat phone with Melbourne.

"Charge and Peters, Melbourne will be sending out two RHIBS very shortly, once they arrive at your locations you can then return back to Hammersley, we are taking her back to base. Over."

"Eye Sir Roger that. ETA on those RHIBS?"

"About ten to fifteen minutes. Dinner will be ready to go when you return. Bird is dealing with that now for you all. Also you all have the night off till 0700 hours tomorrow. Hammersley is sailing at 0900 hours to relieve Melbourne from night duty." Mike says to Charge and the rest of those in the RHIBs. The crew that are left on Hammersley already know as Mike has already done a ship wide notification.

"Yes Sir. See you in thirty minutes Boss." Charge says over the VHF Radio. As Dutchy guides Hammersley back to base, the Melbourne's RHIBS zoom past them on their way to relieve the Hammersley's RHIB teams.

"Sir, are you going to say goodbye to the crew?" Dutchy asks him once he has finished talking to Charge.

"No Dutchy, they have other things on their mind. They will all know tomorrow. Right now we need to concentrate on what is going on out there plus Madeline needs to be addressed and you really should go to the hospital with that arm of yours. If I had known you had injured it earlier I would have made you go when you took the X to shore to go with Jim."

"It's nothing Sir. Bird has looked at it. As long as I keep it in the sling it should be fine."

"Still Dutchy I would prefer you had it checked out. it is a gunshot wound. If you don't go do it I will order you to."

"I'll go after we've docked Hammersley."

"Thank you Dutchy. Let me know what they say too by the way."

"Will do Boss."

Once Hammersley has docked, Dutchy decides to wait before heading off to the hospital thinking that it is only a flesh wound and nothing ot worry about as Mike heads over to Melbourne with his gear. Thirty minutes later Melbourne is pulling away from the dock and heading out to help Chandlers and their own RHIBS who are patrolling the area.

**Hammersley**

**Senior Sailors mess**

**1845hours**

"Dutchy, have you been to the hospital to get your arm checked out?"

"No, not yet I decided to wait till you all were back before heading off."

"You heard anything yet?"

"Nope."

"Has the boss?"

"Nope."

"After this I was going to head up to the hospital and see if there was any news. Do you want me to take you with me?" Charge asks him.

"That would be nice. Saves me taking a taxi." Dutchy says.

"Hey has anyone seen the boss?" RO asks as he pokes his head into the senior sailor's mess trying to locate Mike.

"He's on Melbourne. We have a new CO tomorrow morning." Dutchy replies and then realises what he has said as two faces look shocked at him.

"Pardon Dutchy." RO stuttered

"The Boss is now on Melbourne as their CO. He's taken over when we docked. Knocker has a new CO stepping in before we sail tomorrow morning the boss said"

"No she doesn't Petty Officer! Your new CO is here right now and I do not like being called Knocker. Only because you weren't directing it at me directly you are lucky but next time you may not be Petty Officer." Maxine says having heard what Dutchy called her, but knowing how the crew will be feeling right now she decides against punishing him for it this time around.

"Sorry Ma'am." Dutchy quickly says to her and Maxine nods her head in reply to him.

"Lieutenant Commander Nick Watt. This is Petty Officer Bosun Dylan Mulholland, Chef petty Officer Andy Thorpe your Charge, also Leading Seamen Robert Dixon Radio Operator." Maxine says as she introduces him to the three sailors that are there and then they finish going through everything.

"Petty Officer, can you show you're new CO around the ship?" Maxine asks Dutchy.

"Sorry ma'am, I can't. I have been instructed to head to the hospital to get my arm checked out. Commander Flynn made it an order; Charge is driving me since it involves my right arm. RO, can you show our new CO around please?" Dutchy asks RO doesn't look too happy, but does as he is told.

"Excuse me ma'am, Sir, but I should really head off now. I will make sure our XO knows you are on board and will get her to contact you as soon as she can." He says as he goes to leave.

"Petty Officer, Lieutenant McGregor has already been rung, she knows what is happening. She will be here tomorrow morning leave her for the evening." Maxine says and the tone of voice that is used has Dutchy wondering if Maxine knows something that they don't about what is going on with Jim and Swain at the hospital."

"Yes ma'am." He says as he leaves with Charge as well.

**Back in Maxine office**

**Navcom**

**Cairns**

**Before bringing Hammersley new CO down.**

**1800hours**

Maxine is on the phone to Kate.

"Kate, you have the night off. Go home try and get some sleep and be on Hammersley by zero nine hundred hours. I've given your new CO the run down on you, but he is going to need your help tomorrow."

"New CO ma'am?" Kate says as she fights back the tears.

"There has been some changes of CO's done by the brass, Mike's on Melbourne. Kate you can do this."

"I don't know if I can ma'am. I don't know if I am strong enough."

"Kate you are strong enough. Yes it has been a horrible day, but you can do this. All Hammersley is being tasked with is making sure that other vessels do not get in the way or in where the debris is lying at present. You will be close to home so if anything happens you will be able to return back to base. I have faith in you Kate, have some in yourself." She says over the phone

"I can't ma'am. I just can't"

"Kate, you can."

"No ma'am, I can't I've lost the two most important people in my life, I can't do this."

"Kate, you haven't. Jim is in theatre at present. He will make it and you can do this. You did it when Mike was kidnapped. You can do it again. Your crew need you Kate and so does your country." Maxine says she listens and hears Kate sigh and take a deep breath.

"Ok I'll try, but I can't be held accountable for the way I am emotionally."

"That I can understand, Hammersley sails at zero nine hundred hours to relieve Melbourne's RHIB teams."

**Cairns Hospital**

Kate is sitting there having just gotten off the phone with Maxine.

"Bloody Navy has no sense in timing." She says under her breath. She gets up and heads over to the window and see's reporters and news vans outside the hospital, most likely waiting on news on Jim and Swain.

"We've been here for close to four hours now. Surely we should know something by now." Kate says, frustrations getting the better of her.

Two doctors enter and both Kate and Sally turn and look at them, going by the looks on their faces someone hasn't made it.

**HMAS Melbourne**

**1930hours**

Mike is talking to his new Xo who is giving him the basic run down of his new crew.

"So have you sorted out a roster for the RHIBS for tonight?" Mike asks his new X

"Yes Sir I have. I have them on three hours rotations, but one RHIB will stay out longer so that we always have one RHIB active. Alfa team is returning at twenty one hundred hours, Bravo team will return at twenty two hundred hours, and after that they will return every three hours, when a new team will take over. I also set up a watch roster for the bridge Sir. I wasn't sure what you wanted to do, but I have you down as on the Bridge or your cabin."

"Good thanks X, now I do hope you have left yourself on board for the night."

"Yes Sir I did. Commander Turner asked me to make sure I was on board so that if you need anything I was there to help you out."

"Right…" Mikes mobile rings and interrupts their conversation, Mike looks puzzled at it going off and he pulls it out 'Kate incoming' flashes on the screen.

"Mike Flynn." He says as he answers it not sure if it is really Kate or someone else ringing, and if it is someone else they may not know his voice.

"I need you." She says her voice sounding broken; he can tell she's been crying. He has no idea what to do.

"I'm going to take this in my cabin. if you need me, just page me." Mike says to his XO as he leaves the bridge and heads to his cabin. Kate hears him talking to his new crew.

"Kate," he says as he closes the door of his cabin. There is emotion in his voice as well.

"Mike, I need you." She says in-between sobs.

"Kate, where are you right now?" Mike asks her; her crying is affecting him.

"Hospital," She says to him.

"I'll ring Dutchy and get him to go to you and take you home."

"I don't want to go home! I want you." He sits there not sure what to say to this; to her statement.

"Stay on the line. I'll ring Dutchy on another line." Mike says, he lays his phone on his desk as he picks up the phone in his office and asks his new RO to put a call through to Dylan mobile after giving him the number to ring.

"Dylan Mulholland speaking," Dutchy says into his mobile and the nurse looks at him with the 'you can't use that in here' look.

"Dutchy, it's Mike."

"Excuse me boss for a moment."

"This is my CO ringing me I need to take it should only be five minutes?" Dylan asks and the nurse says yes but points towards a door that he quickly goes to, to get outside the nurse hot on his heels to make sure he doesn't run off but to also open the door for him.

"Sorry about that Sir. What can I do for you I only have a couple of minutes to talk to you."

"Drop the Sir and Boss for me Dutchy. Kate is somewhere within the hospital. I need you to go get her and take her home."

"I can do that, but it'll be another thirty minutes before I can do that."

"You getting your arm dealt with?"

"Yes I am. More serious than I thought. On light duties for at least a week."

"I'm pleased I made sure you went then. Anyway I have no idea where; she is within the hospital, but I do know she isn't in a good way. Can you look after her and make sure she gets on to Hammersley tomorrow?"

"Sure, I will keep an eye on her for you."

"Thanks Dutchy. I better let you go." Mike says before they both hang up. Dutchy stands there thinking after ending the call what is really going on with his old CO and the X, he decides not to worry about it and just do as he is asked. Deciding that whatever the two do is their own business and if they want to play with each other's hearts that is their choice and not his. He heads back to his cubical the nurse still following him.

"Kate, you still there?" He asks, he can hear her still breathing through the phone.

"Yes, I need you, Mike."

"I know, but I can't be there. I'm working right now baby so Dutchy is going to come and take you home and be with you tonight and take you back to Hammersley in the morning." His little endearment to her just slipped right out with all the emotions that are going around in his head from the day. As she hears him call her baby, she breaks down in more tears.

Mike is not sure what to say to her now, her crying is having an effect on him. He also has no real idea why she is crying. All he knows is that she wants him, needs him. Something she has never ever said to him is that she needs him.

The two sit there on the line with each other neither noticing the time that passes, Mike hears Dutchy talking in the back ground.

"Kate, time to hang up and let Dutchy take you home."

"I don't want him Mike, I want you, I need you more than anything." She says to him as more tears fall down her face. Dutchy hears what she says to Mike.

"You need to go with him; you can always ring me once you are home and settled and had some food." He says gentle to her.

"I just want you. Why did you have to be on the Melbourne? Why can't you be here with me?"

"I would love to be there with you right now, but the Navy needs me out here working. I will see you in the morning before you sail."

"You promise?" She says her voice sounding so broken, but with some hope that she might get to see him in the morning.

"I promise I will make sure we dock sooner than planned. Now can you pass me over to Dutchy." She hands the phone over to Dutchy.

"Dutchy, make sure when she gets home and she has something to eat. In the morning bring her down to the docks early. I'll have the Melbourne docked by zero eight hundred hours and bring her to me. If needed, there are some herbal sleeping pills in the downstairs bathroom, give them to her. They will help relax her, but they don't have the same side effects as normal ones. Also any problems just ring my mobile. Do not worry about the hour of the call."

"Certainly boss. I have an update for you on Swain and Captain Roth."

"Go ahead Dutchy." Mike says into the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay in placing this up :) but live has been busy. I do hope you enjoy this update.**

* * *

"Captain Roth passed away and Swain is on his way to ICU, the nurse informed me that Captain Roth had a DNR."

"Ok that explains the state Kate is in right now."

"I was also told that they told both Kate and Sally, Swains wife at the same time as the Doctors who were working on Captain Roth got called into another emergency, before having a chance to tell anyone. Plus the nurse said neither one of them wanted to hear the news alone." As Dutchy is talking Mike can hear his XO paging him to the Bridge.

"Dutcy I will have to call you back I'm being called to the bridge." Mike says and they both say a quick goodbye before Mike heads off to the bridge.

"Sir Commander White is on the stat phone for you." Mikes XO tells him as he goes to hand the phone over.

"Patch it through to my cabin please RO." He says as he heads back down to his cabin to take the call.

"Mike its Maxine speaking. I have word from the hospital."

"I already know Max." he replies back with as he rubs his face with his spare hand.

"You do?" Maxine says sounding surprised that Mike has already been informed, and Mike picks up on her surprised tone and fills her in.

"Petty Officer Bosun Mulholland has informed me as he is there now." He says into the phone. There is silence between the two.

"Do you think Kate will be up to working tomorrow?" Maxine says a few minutes later.

"In the state she is in right now I would say no."

"Do you think your XO wouldn't mind helping Hammersley out tomorrow?" She asks Mike, knowing that this will most likely be a long shot anyway.

"Max he is going to be up most of the night along with me I think that is far too much to ask from him. It is bad enough I'm having to be up; there is no way I am allowing you to send out my XO tomorrow he needs rest along with the rest of my crew, no not just this crew but Hammersley as well. How bad are the injuries to Petty Officer Coxswain Blake, I was unable to ask Dutchy if he knew?"

"Well they have no idea if he will have use of his legs yet, he is in a medical induced coma for now. They want his body to rest as much as possible to help him recover and also it be less stress on him if he is kept asleep than if he is awake and can feel pain and move around. The doctors said it looks like Jim went over after him and protected Petty Office Blake from the worst of the blast."

"That sounds like Jim, putting his life in the firing line to save someone else's. So what will happen if he doesn't have the use of his legs?"

"That is up to the brass. Right now he has to survive before we can even look at what to do next for him."

"Has anyone contacted his parents, or Sally parents?"

"Yes Mike that has been done by me. They will be arriving tomorrow." There is silence between the two. "Mike why didn't you come to me with your transfer request." She says totally changing tactics on Mike hoping while he is emotional down he might tell her what is really going on.

"It was recommended via my doctor for the change he did most of the paperwork all I did was full out the form like he asked me too and signed it. His letter explains it all. I wasn't too happy about what he suggested but after we talked about it and he explained to me why he was suggesting it and I took the time to think it over with out over reacting I felt he was right and that it was needed. He was able to see what has been building that I haven't or just haven't wanted to deal with due to so many other things going on."

"Well I hope that a change of command helps Mike."

"So do I otherwise there are only two other options shore posting or resigning."

"There is also taking some time out too Mike."

"Yea Max that may work but until I am back working again we would never know if I have fully recovered. The doc said there are triggers and you can't always know what they are. Though he did say staying on Hammersley in command may cause a trigger to happen sooner. That is why he recommended the move; he is sure I am building towards a break down as he put it. And to be honest I may totally hate you for pulling my transfer ahead twenty four hours, but you may have saved me having a break down thinking about it right now. Oh no." Mike says as he clicks to something else. Maxine also notices the change in tone as he says Oh No.

"What is it Mike?"

"Kate she, damn it today she watched that explosion what would that have done to her, she watch the sub blow up thinking I was in it, now she watched a boat blow up with Jim and Swain on board. Damn it Maxine can Melbourne return to port I need to go to her."

"Mike I can't do that."

"Maxine she needs to know I'm still alive she would be having flash backs."

"Mike."

"For god sakes Max you're worried about me well today would have been a major trigger for her. Damn it Maxine if you want her to work tomorrow you better allow me to return to base so I can go to her. God why didn't I think about what effects everything would have had on her and the crew." The first part of his statement full of Anger, but the last sentence was said quietly and in a worried tone of voice. Maxine sits in her chair thinking. She knows things are tuff right now. She sits there thinking of how to get around this, she knows Mike is right Kate would be suffering flash backs, that explosion would have been more of a trigger to her than to Mike of those events that unfolded months ago.

"Ok Mike why don't we bring you guys back in at zero five hundred hours and then you can go to Kate and see how she is if she needs to have tomorrow off then I will grant it. That is the best I can do we need all hands on deck right now and I also need Melbourne out there supporting their RHIBs more so with it being dark Mike you should understand the risk of leaving them out there without back up. Once sun rise starts you can return to base. I will give permission for Hammersley to sail without her XO since they are only going to be out there watching and nothing else." She says to him hoping he might take this. There is nothing on the other end of the line.

"Mike I really can't leave two RHIBS out there without support, as you well know there are a number of boats hanging around and if they get the change they will take it to get in the way and Parluma is due soon and will start mapping out before cleaning up."

"They would have support Maxine, There is Chandlers, and Bundaberg on the other side. Melbourne would not be that far away." He says his voice not as strong as it normal is as he speaks to her, and she can tell that he is drained emotionally by all of this.

"Mike we can't ok. Tomorrow you can go to her if that is what you want, but tonight you have a job to do, please don't make me into the bad guy here. I'm trying to meet you in the middle, I could be asking so many other questions right now, but now is not the time for this." Maxine says finally realising that there is no hope for the two of them in anything more than a friendship manner.

"Thanks Max." He says before quickly saying good bye to her. Before dialling Dutchy's mobile.  
.

"Dutchy, its Mike is Kate still up?" He says after Dutchy answers his mobile.

"Um let me check." Dutchy says as he heads up stairs to check on Kate. "Yes she is still awake."

"Does she have her mobile beside her?" Mike asks him, and Dutchy has a quick look from the door and spots it.

"Yes it's beside her bed boss."

"Thanks Dutchy. Also she won't be heading to Hammersley tomorrow, and I will be there around zero five thirty in the morning to relieve you so you can head in."

"Yes Sir." Dutchy says into the phone.

"No Sir's Dutchy Mike is fine. I'm no longer your boss. But Dutchy I do expect you to have Kate's back always." He says his voice stern as he says.

"I always will, she's like a sister to me."

"That is good to hear. See you tomorrow." Mike says before hanging up and then ringing Kate's mobile.

The next thing Dutchy hears is the ringing of Kate's mobile as he wanders back down the stairs by the time he has gotten to the bottom he can no longer hear anything from Kate's room. It's been a long night so he decides to turn out most of the lights leaving one of the side lamps on in the lounge near the stairs, so that if Kate came down stairs she could see that he was there asleep on her couch, though for him it was a bit small at least it was comfortable, as he hang his leg off the end over the arm rest. Before long sleep had claimed him, as the next thing he remembered was waking to the sounds of screaming coming from upstairs, from the room Kate was sleeping in. He quickly leaped from the couch and took the stairs two at a time and went straight into Kate's room. Finding her still in the same position she was in when he left her a few hours ago as he looks at the time on the clock beside Kate's bed. He tries to reassure her as he sits there rubbing her back as more sobs rack her body. Calling out at times for Mike in a sobbing, sad voice. Dutchy decides to ring Mike using Kate's mobile hoping that he may be able to help out.

"Commander Mike Flynn." Mike says his voice sounding tired, not having checked his mobile to see who was calling.

"Sorry Boss for waking you but's its Kate."

"Is she ok?" Mike says quickly to Dutchy worry evident in his voice and now wide awake.

"Um no not really."

"What's happening Dutchy."

"She's asleep but she is crying out, screaming at times and saying things about you. I think she is reliving your kidnapping."

"Ok try and wake her if you can Dutchy, and no you didn't wake me I only just dropped off to sleep." He replies back as he looks at his watch to see the time.

It takes about five minutes for Dutchy to get Kate to wake up enough for her to respond to him properly and take the phone from him.

"Kate you ok." Mike says into the phone once he knows she is on the other end of the line.

"No." She replies back into the phone after Dutchy passes it to her. She gave him a true honest answer to his question. "I feel like I've had no sleep at all." She says as she lays back on the bed one hand covering the top of her face, as Dutchy leaves her room to allow her to talk in private.

"Nightmares will do that remember." He softly says to her.

"I don't want to remember, I want to be able to block out that vision of watching that sub blow up."

The two just stay like that listening to each other breathing not saying anything; it was an enjoyable silence for them both. For Kate hearing his breathing was reminding her he was still alive that he isn't dead even though in her dreams she keeps seeing him dead; keeps reliving that moment when Dutchy told her they had found human remains. When her world came crashing down.

Kate hears the sound of knocking coming through the phone, she hears Mike talking to someone and she hears him saying he will be up there in a minute.

"You got to go?"

"Yea I do, but I will be with you later on ok?"

"Ok." Her voice breaks as she lets a sob out as tears fall down her face again.

"Hey you can do this, try and stay positive."

"But what if I can't." The honesty in her voice not going unnoticed by Mike.

"You can Kate. Just remember I'm only a phone call away. Now why don't you go down stairs and ask Dutchy to fix you up a hot chocolate. I'll be home in a few hours." He says as he leaves his cabin; home just slipping out as he tries to reassure Kate that he will be there soon and his X hears him say home in a few hours as he walks past his CO as he leaves the cabin. Both heading to the Bridge, the XO with a hot drink in his hand.

"You promise."

"Yes I promise, do you remember the conversation we had earlier on?"

"No not really, I was just listening to your voice not taking in what you were saying."

"I gathered that." he says as he arrives on the bridge of Melbourne to talk to his XO.

"Look I need to go now duty calls. We can talk more in a few hours." He says to her.

"Are you going to stay here with me?" She says trying to prolong the conversation not wanting to end the call yet, not wanting to loose hope or that connection that is telling her right now he is alive, to scared to go back to sleep for fear of seeing him dead. Mike can hear the worry and fear in her tone of voice.

"XO situation please?" He says as he semi covers his phone so Kate can still semi hear his voice but hopefully not what is going on around them.

"Sir the RHIB's are having trouble with a couple of pleasure cruises they are trying to come within the no go zone here" (He says as he shows Mike the location on their maps) "I wasn't too sure what you would like us to do, normally I would handle this myself but as you are our new CO I wanted to run it by you first." He says to Mike, knowing that Mike is a tough CO to work under and knowing what had unfolded during the day making sure he stays on Mike's good side is highly important to him, not just to keep Mike happy but also to keep his position on Melbourne too.

"Kate I really need to go, go downstairs make yourself a hot chocolate and when I am finished here I will ring you back." He says as the crew who are on the bridge hear him talking.

"Ok." She weakly says to him.

"Ok I'm going to hang up the phone now, Bye." He says as he hangs up hoping that ending the call even though he could tell from her tone of voice that she didn't want the call to end. He had to put work first.

"Everything ok boss?" Mike's XO asks him.

"Nothing to worry yourself about X, now let's address this situation shell we. Now what would you have normally done under your old CO?" He asks and the two stand there talking. The X going over what he would normally do, and once Mike has heard what the X would do and how he would go about it he decides to allow him to go ahead with his plan and not add anything, as he felt he would be able to handle the situation fine.

Mike mangers to get back to his cabin and get another hour or so sleep before being called yet again to the bridge. His body is running on something but he is not sure what it is and he can't wait to get to Kate's so he can get into a bed and get some sleep. Though that will all depend on Kate and if she allows him to sleep.

* * *

**0430 hours**

**The day after the explosion**

"Ok X let's take this girl back to the docks." Mike says as he arrives on the bridge.

"Yes Sir." He says as he gives the Sailor on the helm the instructions to head to the docks.

"Did you manger any sleep last night boss?" his XO asks him.

"A little but not as much as I would've liked to have had. Hopefully I can catch up some more today. Oh by the way X I will be off the boat for the day, so if anything comes up just ring my mobile."

"Sure thing Sir. Who will be doing duty watch though?" Mike bows his head and shakes it.

"Do we have any crew that aren't falling asleep at present?"  
"We do have those from the first round of RHIB's that could do watch, but I had planned on them doing the first rotation again tonight."

"Ok we will put them on duty watch and later on I will give Commander White a ring and ask her to send down some sailors to take over so you all can rest. I will even get another radio operator down for you too Brad, I know both yourself and your second in command have been up just about all night along with just about everyone else." Mike says as Melbourne heads back to base. Mike also contacts his RHIB teams to inform them of what is going on, even though the RHIB crews had only changed over at zero four hundred hours he still contacted them.

* * *

**0530**

**Kate's place**

Mike uses the key he has to enter Kate's apartment. He sees Dutchy asleep on the couch and heads over to him.

"Dutchy time to wake up." Mike says as he gentle nudges Dutchy shoulders.

"What time is it?" He says as he moves and stretches out.

"Zero five thirty." Mike replies back. "Thanks for keeping an eye on her last night any more issues?" He asks as he places a few things on Kate's kitchen bench.

"She's been crying out every so often, but has stayed asleep I have just left her. She's not had anything as bad as that episode I rang you about."

"That is good to hear. Here take this is for you and make sure you get some sleep today while Hammersley out, I have already briefed your CO on Kate and that you were here keeping an eye on her." Mike says to him as he passes Dutchy a bag from McDonalds and a coffee.

"Thanks for this." He says as he accepts the food from Mike.

"Thought you might like some food before heading off." The two sit and eat before Dutchy heads off in the taxi that he had called for.

Mike cleans up the breakfast rubbish before taking his duffel bag with him and heading up stairs to Kate's room. As he enters he hears the faint crying coming from Kate who is still in yesterday's uniform and on top of the covers with just a light blanket over her.

Mike's gentle places his hand on her shoulder as he sits on the edge of the bed and starts to wake her up, once she is wake enough that she understand what he is saying to her, he starts to ask her to change out of her clothes.

"Eh what did you say?"

"I said that you may want to get out of your uniform and slip into something more comfortable and then crawl back into bed." He replies and she looks down at herself noticing she hadn't changed at all, she then looks at Mike and flings herself at Mike, he wraps his arms around her as she starts to cry again.

"I'm here, I'm alive it's ok." He says as he gentle places a kiss on the top of her head.

"Feel better?" He asks her after a period of holding each other, him allowing her to cry into him.

"I'll just go to the bathroom and get changed, um can you stay." She says as she starts to move off him.

"Sure thing I'll go put this in the spare room he says as he picks up his duffel bag.

"No, no here with me." She says fear and panic coming from her tone, her eyes wide with worry as well as fear. Her dreams having played havoc on her mind and body. "Please." She begs to him.

"Sure you get changed and I will do the same." He says gently as he starts to undress she turns and heads to her draws and pulls out camisole and matching boxers, before heading to the bathroom. Once in there she washes her face, brushes her teeth and even has a small drink of water, which then turned in to two glasses later, by the time she had finished getting changed.

She wonders out of her bathroom and looks towards her bed, fear, worry that he may not be there, that he may just go to the other room or worst she had dreamt him being here in her home with her. As she looks at the bed she sees him sitting up reading one of his books.

He looks up from his book when he feels her gaze on him. He gentle closes the book and places it on the bedside table. He sees how vulnerable she is feeling right now. He watches as she slowly walks towards the bed and climbs on in, he starts to move and as he moves she curls straight up into him, he wraps his arms around her pulling her as close as he can to his chest, he quickly flicks the side light off engulfing the room into darkness. Kate starts to cry again.

"Shh baby its ok. I'm here. I'm alive and well." He says to her over and over again, till he hears her breathing even out and slow down, she still sobs quietly every so often but she is now asleep.

_Why didn't anyone of us think that someone else might suffer with post-traumatic stress? Never did I think that Kate may get affected by it. _ He thinks to himself as he finally allows sleep to claim him.

The next thing he wakes to the sound of Kate crying out and thrashing around in the bed, an arm accidently hitting him on the side of his head.

He mangers to get her to wake up.

"Oh god you're here; you're alive." She says with some sort of relieve as she wraps her arms around him holding on to him tightly allowing the tears to fall.

"Of course I'm here and alive. Where else would I be?" He asks as she looks up at him he realises that maybe that wasn't the right thing to say to her. "Do you want to talk about yesterday?" He asks. He knows she pushed him to talk after his kidnapping and if it wasn't for her and his doctors and shrink he wouldn't be where he is today. That day took a lot out of him, and now looking at Kate and the state she is in, it took a lot out of her maybe more out of her than him.

"Ok that wasn't a bright question to ask. Do you want to talk about it?" He asks her again.

"No not yet." She says as she snuggles back down on to his chest. "Can you hold me please?" She says unsurely to him.

"Of course." he says as he wraps his arms around her more firmly and brings her nice and close to his body. They both lie there, Mike running his hand up and down Kate's back as he waits for her to fall asleep again. It doesn't take long for her breathing to even out and her hold to relax a little on him. He looks over towards the clock and notices the time. He reaches for his mobile and decides to ring Maxine.

If she isn't already awake she should be by now. He thinks to himself.

"Max it's Mike speaking." He quietly says into the phone as not to wake Kate up. After Maxine answer her phone in her officer tone.

"Why you whispering Mike?"

"I need you to send down a radio operator and two others for duty watch for Melbourne please we had a long ruff night the crew is shattered and needs their sleep." He says as his hand continues to gentle rub up and down Kate's back. Trying to get Maxine off the topic of his quiet voice.

"Sure thing I can do that for you Mike, how was your night."

"You will have in your inbox an email from me with a brief outline of the night's events. I'll send more detailed ones through later to you once I have them all."

"You're still whispering Mike what's going on?"

"I'm with Kate and I don't want to wake her."

"How is she?" Maxine asks and Mike hears the change in Maxine tones from boss to friend someone who is worried about Kate.

"Not good at all. She won't be working for a few days at least."

"That bad is it?"

"Yes Max it is. Look I really could do with some more sleep Max I will ring and talk to you later." He says trying to end the conversation.

"Ok Mike talk later." She says having caught on to his tone of voice, they both then hang up the phone.

"Thanks for not telling her about my nightmares." He hears faintly from Kate as he places his phone back on the bedside table.

"That is your choice about when and who you tell regarding those."

"Thanks for being here." She says quietly to his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

"No problem Kate you said you needed me so why wouldn't I come?"

"Because I treated you like shit. I ended things between us, then started going out with Jim."

"And never in the time I have known you, have you ever pleaded with me to be with you. Begged me and said I need you." He says as he feels his shirt getting wet again from the tears that are falling from her.

He would prefer not to be in her bed with her not so soon after losing Jim, but something in his gut is telling him her reaction isn't because of losing Jim. And instead of going with his brain which is saying he shouldn't be here with her, he is going with his gut and his heart.

"When the explosion happened all I kept seeing was the sub blowing up. I knew Jim and Swain where out there that it was them but my mind it kept on replaying the explosion that I thought had killed you." She says to him as she cries into his chest. "Jim he died protecting Swain, protecting one of my crew. Something I should have been doing."

"Kate if you had stayed it would be you lying in that hospital bed or…" Mike can't finish his sentence the thought of losing Kate even though they aren't together hurts him.

"Why are you on Melbourne?" she asks after a few moments of silence between the pair.

"I've been transferred."

"Did you request it or was it the brass."

"My shrink requested it." He says knowing full well that she knows he has been seeing one on an on-going base.

"When were you going to tell me?" she asks and he says nothing at all to her.

"Mike were you ever going to tell me?" She asks again as she looks at him her voice a tad more forceful.

"I was but when I found out about Jim asking you to marry him I left it."

"Why the hell did you decide to leave it and not tell me." She says to him and he moves to sit up in the bed, moving Kate off his body, meaning she also had to move.

"Look when I was told, you were helping Dutchy bring that boat back to port, he had already informed me as you well know of the proposal, when I took you out for coffee to talk to you I was going to tell you but when you said you were seriously thinking about marrying Jim I decided I wouldn't tell you."

"Why did you decide to do that don't you think I had a right to know?" She asks him again, her voice angry at him for not telling her.

"Just like I had the right to know what was going on within my ship, you could have had me fired over that stunt you pulled." He says to crossly to her before carrying on in a more gentler tone of voice "I decided not to tell you because you would have taken it the damn wrong way, you would have gone on about how I'm only doing this now because of Jim, and either you would have said I am running away from my emotions, or doing it to get you to dumb Jim. So I decided that if you are serious about him then you didn't need my messed up life getting in the way." He says as he gets up off her bed and goes to leave her room.

"Mike come back." She begs to him.

"No Kate." He says as he walks away from her and heads down stairs to sit on the couch.

She watches from above as Mike sits on the couch his head in his hands. She quietly walks down the stairs towards him and then sits down beside him on the couch.

"I'm sorry." She says as she wraps her arms around his waist, laying her head on the side of his arm and shoulder.

"Mike talk to me please?" She pleads with him when he doesn't say anything to her, he turns and looks at her and she sees his red puffy eyes, the track mark of tears having rolled down his face, as she then catches the sight of one leaving his left eye.

"Kate I'm exhausted I've had about five hours sleep in" he looks at his watch "twenty six hours, and that has been broken sleep. It's been an emotional training period and I would just like to go to bed and sleep." He says as he gets up and ascends the stairs and heads to the spare room and goes in and climbs into the bed and quickly falls asleep. His exhaustion taking over in shutting his body down into sleep mode. Kate watches on from the couch as he heads to her spare room and not her bed.

She sits on the couch for about ten minutes trying to sort herself out, before climbing the stairs and going to the spare room to climb into bed with Mike. As she snuggles up closer to him, wrapping her arms around his body, he moves and wraps his arms around her in his sleep, this action by him in his sleep lets her know he isn't pushing her away, that the lack of sleep the news of Jim and that Swain is in ICU still very critical making it all too much to handle on no sleep. It doesn't take her long to fall asleep in his arms, the sound of his beating heart and slow rhythmic breathing sending her to sleep again.

Mike hears the sound of his mobile ringing he reaches over towards where he would normally keep it had he been at home to then realise as he finds something else that he isn't in his home, as the ringing stops he realises that there is someone else in beside him, he looks down to find Kate beside him, her head on his chest, one of her arms wrapped around his waist. His mobile rings again and he gentle moves Kate off him and gets out of the bed. As he gets to his mobile it stops ringing. As he is about to check to find out who the two missed calls are from it rings again, as he looks at the screen he sees this parents name flash up and he answers it.

"God Son you sound totally shattered." Mark Flynn says to his son.

"That is one way of putting it dad." Mike replies back to his father as he sits down on Kate's bed his back to the door.

"Did I wake you?" He says now feeling bad having woken his son up.

"No my phone was ringing before you rang and I missed the call, but that doesn't matter what can I do for you dad?"

"We have just arrived having decided to come up and see if we could do anything after hearing yesterday's news and your mother was worried since she was unable to find you here at your place she was going to ring Hammersley but I said I would try you on your mobile."

"I'm at Kate's place." He says into the phone.

"Ok well I told your mother you would either be here or on Hammersley, what you doing there?"

"Long story dad."

"Well I have all the time in the world son. Anyway how much sleep have you had?"

"Um…about eight hours now since I got up yesterday morning." Mike says noticing the time having been able to get a few hours of sleep at Kate's.

"What did they do make you work all night?'

"Yep." He replies back. His voice flat and deflated.

"How can they ask you and your crew to work twenty four hours straight after something like this?"

"The crew knocked off yesterday evening but I worked all night. And anyway when we are out on the water we work twenty four seven."  
"Yes son but you have a roster and you don't witness what happened yesterday on a daily bases. You get time to rest, sleep, eat and recharge the batteries. It won't just be the fact you haven't sleep but the emotional drain on you that will also be making you feel even more tired than normal." Mark says to his son, Mike being reminded yet again that just because his dad is now a farmer doesn't mean he didn't get an education before taking over the family farm. "So how come your crew got the night off and you didn't?" He asks Mike.

"Well my old crew got the night off, my new crew didn't they also worked a full night after cruising back to port during the day." Mike says as he feels a body come up behind him and press against his back and arms going around his waist as he talks.

"New crew?" Mark says sounding surprised.

"The transfer I told you guys about that the shrink had me do came through yesterday of all days brought the change of command forward twenty four hours." Mike says.

"So what is happening re Hammersley then?"

"Well it isn't my concern but I will be keeping an eye out for what goes on there."

"I bet you will with Kate on board there be no way you wouldn't." Mark says knowing how Mike feels about Kate, and also knowing what has been going on with them as well.

Mike moves to lie down on the bed as his father speaks to him some more. His free arm wrapping around Kate's body, his hand caressing her hip, as she cuddles back up into his side on her bed.

"Well make yourselves comfortable I will come around just before I head back off to work tonight."

"You working again tonight?"

"Yes I have to go to work; Melbourne is on night duty watch of the area where the explosion happened. The AFP have to do their thing which will take most of today before the clean-up can even begin, plus the with the clean up everything will have to be bagged and tagged for evidence use later on, which in turns take even longer and most likely AFP will want to be there doing it as our guys do the clean-up, them getting the easy job." Mike says giving his father a brief out line of what he can tell him without leaking anything.

"So what time will we see you then?"

"Around 4.30 I have to get a few things before heading to the docks."

"Your mother would like to see you sooner."

"Well Kate needs me here and after yesterday she comes first." Mike says to his dad.

"Mike is there something you're not telling me?"

"I can't tell you dad it's not my place to."

"Mike cut the bullshit would you please, I know when you are trying to deflect the conversation and you are doing it right now. Is Kate in a state because of Jim dying?"

"Yes, No Dad it's not my place to tell you ok." He says trying to plead with his dad not to make him tell him and break Kate's trust in the process. Kate hears him pleading with his dad. "Look dad I will tell you when the time is right which isn't right now." He says as he pulls Kate closer to his body.

"You will be telling me when I see you later, now I shell let you get some more sleep." His dad says before the two say goodbye and Mike puts his mobile back on the bed side table.

The two are only curled up with each other in the nice quiet of the house for only a few minutes before Mike's mobile rings again. As he picks it up he checks his screen and sees Maxine White flashing across it.

"Maxine what the hell do you won't?" Mike says into his mobile phone.

"Nice way to speak to your superior Mike." And the voice on the other end of the line has Mike sitting upright quickly; Kate sees the shocked expression on his face.

"Captain Marshall what can I do for you?" he says into the phone.

"Well I am ringing off Maxine phone as she is on mine talking to the Chief, I am wanting to know how you are doing and also Kate. Maxine said that you were keeping an eye on her."

"Well I am tired but that is to be expected with the situation at hand. Lieutenant McGregor she is not doing so well Sir." He says to Steve.

"Mike there is no need to be so professional, I'm ringing more as a friend right now to be honest. We have known each other for a long time now Mike so please be honest with me how are you two?"

"I'm shattered, a good amount of uninterrupted sleep would be wonderful, Kate on the other hand is not doing so well."

"Yes I heard that Captain Roth was her partner."

"Yes he was but it's not just that, which is causing issues."

"So what I could see is true she does have feelings for you and you're kidnapping and sub explosion are now replaying in her head along with yesterday's explosion."

"Yes your hit the nail on the head there Steve."

"Is she up to working at all?"

"No."

"Is she in any fit state to do anything?"

"Par sleeping no, but then again she isn't sleeping well either."

"Which in turn would be meaning you are getting even less sleep because of it all?"

"That is correct."

"How much sleep have you had since yesterday?"

"Well I was up at zero five hundred hours yesterday morning by zero seven hundred this morning I had about five hours broken sleep and since then I have had another three to four hours sleep."

"Well I think going by that you're in no fit state to work tonight Mike, so I will sort out something at this end maybe even send Maxine out on Melbourne for the night. You look after Kate and once you have had some more sleep ring me and let me know how she is doing and I also want a progress report on her tomorrow morning of what sort of night the two of you have had."

"Sir?" Mike says unsure of what Steve is going on about and why he is being so nice about it all.

"As far as I am concerned there is nothing to look into you are both on separate boats, no chain of command being broken, so nothing to worry about. Now I will let you get some more sleep." Steve says before they both hang up the phone. Mike stays sitting up still trying to get his head around the conversation with Steve.

"What did Marshall want?" Kate asks quietly.

"He was seeing how we both are doing. I have the night off, but I do have to go home at some stage today as my parents are up." He says and after he has finished his sentence she rolls away from him, wiping away the silent tears that are falling down her face. Mike rolls over and curls up behind her wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her back flash against his front.

"I have plenty of time before I have to go see them. Let's get some more sleep." He says as a sob breaks loose from her. He mangers to roll her over so she is facing him.

"I'm not leaving you ok, but I do need to go see my parents." He says as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as he talks to her. "Maybe you should come, and talk to dad." She shakes her head to indicate that she doesn't want to. "It's going to be ok. We will get through this I promise you that." He says to her as he pulls her in closer to him holding her, and at the same time rubbing a hand up and down her back.

"You sure you made promises before and you broke them." She says quietly to him.

"I didn't break all of them." He says trying to keep the anger and hurt out of his voice but failing a little as he feels her flinch within his hold.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thanks for all the wonderful feedback I've been getting so far for this story :) I do hope you enjoy this chapter sorry it is a long one :)**_

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"Let's just get some more sleep we both need it and talking about this right now when we're both tired, and you emotional is only going to make it all worse. We need to be clear headed for it." He says as another yawn escapes from him and she nods her head in agreement she wants to move but his firm hold on her makes her decide to stay as she is knowing full well he isn't going to let her go in a hurry.

Kate dreaming

"Dutchy you got anything." _He just can't be dead please god don't be dead._

"Nothing so far X."

"X…we've...um found ar.."

"Go Ahead Dutchy." _God he is dead please don't say it._

"We've found evidence of human remains...over"

"Copy that." _Oh god he is dead, he was in that sub. I shouldn't have dropped his call last night this wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for me. I've lost him again and this time for good, I have to hold it together. I have too. All I want to do is go curl up in the corner and cry, why is this happening to me, why?_

"Kate you ok?" Swain asks her hoping using her first name will get a response. As she sits on the bed in Gorski's boat.

"He's dead all because of me."

"No he isn't he made the choice to be on Mr Masons boat."

"But I dropped his calls, if I hadn't we would have known sooner, or even if I had checked my voice messages we could have saved them."

"We don't know that, they could have shot him instead."

"I've lost him for good this time." She says before more tears fall down her face. Swain leaves her and goes up top. She faintly hears Swain telling the others to head back to Hammersley and that he and her would return once the RHIB was back for them.

"Kate I've sent everyone back to Hammersley we have about ten minutes for you to regroup yourself before we get back." He says to me and I nod my head. I just can't believe he is gone now. This just can't be happening how did I lose him again how? She thinks as she sobs more.

Mike is woken from his sleep by the sound of sobbing coming from within the room, as he wakes he realises it is Kate who is crying as he pulls her closer to his chest he feels his shirt getting wet. He holds her tight as the sobbing subsides. Once she has quietened down he drifts back off to sleep.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" is the sound that Mike wakes too some time later, a deafening no, coming from Kate.

"Kate wake up." Mike says gentle to her.

"Come on baby wake up I'm here."

Kate mumbles in her sleep, and starts to cry.

"Kate wake up." Mike says in his officer tone and Kate jolts up in bed her face wet with tears, she looks around and sees Mike and moves straight into his lap as he is sitting up as well.

"You want to talk about."

"No thanks." She says as she holds on to him tight. Mike looks at the time and notices it is 1600 hours. He feels like he has had no sleep at all.

"You're not going to like this but I need to get up and go see my folks, you more than welcome to come along as well, I promised mum I would come around and I better do as I say I would." He says to her gentle as he stays holding her for a few more minutes.

"Right better go have a shower, are you going to come or stay?" He asks her, he has a feeling he already knows the answer to this question but he feels that he needs to give her some control.

"No I'll stay here." She softly says to him, not wanting to go anywhere but not wanting him to go anywhere as well. She stays lying on her bed under the covers as Mike showers in her bathroom. As she lies there the day's before events and the explosion regarding Mike playing over and over again in her head as she lies there awake but in her own world.

"Kate." Mike says as he enters her room, as he sits on the bed and lays a hand on her she jumps from the shear fright of his hand landing on her shoulder. Her jumping in fright makes him move quickly too but he moves and Kate notices it is him she moves very quickly towards him and he doesn't have much time to react to open his arms to allow her to throw herself at him yet again.

"It's ok Honey." He says as he holds her as she cry's yet again. About twenty minutes later she has fallen asleep and he gentle lays her down and covers her with a light blanket before leaving a note beside the bed and heading off to his place.

**Mikes Home**

**1700hours**

"Nice of you to show up." Mike's mother says to him, but as his father turns to look at him he knows something is wrong and that his wife needs to back off.

"Mum please don't."

"Mike you said you would be here thirty minutes ago you're late."

"Mary just stop it can't you see he looks like crap lay off him." Mark says towards his wife as he looks at his boy. See how tired he is looking, the way Mike walks slowly without his normal stride and tall frame, the regular movement of his hand to his face wiping it in a tired manner.

"Mike go to bed sleep we will wake you later."

"No thanks Dad I need to get back to Kate as soon as I can."

"Mike you will be no good to her when you crash and burn due to lack of sleep son."

"And she won't be able to handle it on her own for too long either dad." He says back to his father in a foul mood.

"Mike go to bed I will wake you in a couple of hours if Kate rings I will tell her you're here sleeping and then come and get you will that do."

"I suppose so." Mike says as he walks to his room and falls on his bed sleep claiming him straight away. Five minutes later his parents walk to his room and hear him softly snoring, laying on top of his bed. His mum goes and gets a blanket out of the spare room and places it over her sleeping son.

**Kate's House**

**2000 hours**

Kate wakes with a fright. As she sits up in bed she feels damp and her clothes feel clingy, as she goes to pull them away she feels with her hands that her clothes are wet, and as she looks at herself she can see that she is wet all over, her clothes clinging to her body, and as she looks at the bedding she sees the bedding is wet. She sees no sign of Mike and as the damp wet feeling invades her mind she starts to see the ocean around her and then parts of the blown up sub floating around her, then she sights human reminds.

Kate starts to panic and thrashers around trying to get away from it all, she starts yelling out screaming, as she falls off the bed and hits the floor she is jolted from the living nightmare to the present, she gets up off the floor takes her bedding and goes down to the laundry room and puts it on to wash, her body going on to auto pilot and just doing it without thinking. Once done she heads to the kitchen and gets herself a drink of water from the fridge, before heading back upstairs to shower.

As she enters her bathroom she notices a few things out of place, she moves them back undresses and gets into the shower, as she starts to wash herself she then realises that when she woke, and also came too when she fell off the bed there was no sign of Mike, she slides down the shower wall and sits on the floor as heart wrench sobs start to leave her body.

She cries for the loss of Mike and the loss of Jim.

After about thirty minutes of sitting there she finally gets up enough energy to move from the shower and dry's herself off. As she heads to her bed she is reminded that it needs remaking, she quickly finds some clothes to wear before placing a bottom fitted sheet on her bed before taking the blankets off her spare bed and climbing back into her own bed wrapped up in the blankets, smelling a very faint smell of Mike from when he used them. She lies there trying hard to not think about what happened yesterday. But she just can't seem to get it out of her mind, it keeps on playing as if on repeat, if not the boat exploding it is the sub explosion that she can see vividly as if it happened yesterday.

**Mike's House**

**2000 hours**

"Mike how you doing?" Steve asks when the two sit down in the lounge.

"Feeling a bit better with some more sleep."

"I bet."

"I really should be getting back to Kate I said I would be back by now." Mike says and everyone can hear the worry in his tone of voice, but they can also hear how tired he still is.

"Mike I think you need to stay here and get a good night's sleep."

"Then who is going to look after Kate?" He says back to Steve.

"I can do that Mike, now anyway I'm here on another note, the new CO of Hammersley is a little concerned with how your old crew were today."

"Why what happened?" Mike says back to him his old crew on Hammersley still being important to him.

"He said something was off with them, he does know about Captain Roth, and also about Kate and what is going on. But he doesn't think it has anything to do with yesterday at all, so I was going through the last six months reports well basically everything since you're kidnapping Mike and I'm surprised your old crew hadn't experienced any stress, and most of all post-traumatic stress, acute stress, anything like that. In that time you and the crew have experienced three major bombings that have resulted in deaths, a bomb planted on Hammersley, you've also had a number of close calls with your own crew and son, how you all are still functioning is beyond me. He said the only one who seemed to be handling things semi ok was the Buffer Dutchy he told me. But after going through his service record he will know how to deal with this far better than anyone else of your old crew could. Sadly Mike I can't give you the time off that I'm giving them. Once the explosion site is all cleaned up and the AFP have release it, they are getting four weeks leave all crew will be going through the normal checks but I have also set up a risk management team just for Hammersley crew which Mike you can access anytime if you need too. I have made it mandatory visit every day for the first week for everyone that includes Kate Mike, which means someone how tomorrow we will need to get her to go."

"Steve why is Mike not included in the time off?" Mark asks.

"Well he has several factors in his favour. After his Kidnapping and thanks to you Mark, Mike has been seeing a psychotherapist plus talking to you, which on their recommendation has asked for changes which we have put in. We would like to keep him working in hope that he can stay at the helm of anyone of our ships, if that can't happen then we will have to think of a shore posting and the possibility that he may need time off or have to retire from the Navy. I do understand that yesterday events aren't going to help but he does have a few days off. Before he heads out, as I said to the brass, Mike needs time to go talk to his shrink and be cleared for duty before I send him out again. Hammersley will still be out there but with our reserve crew on board."

"Mike?" Mark says to him noticing his son doesn't look like he is listening.

"It's ok dad, I don't mind not having the time off I have thanks to Paul ways to cope with the stress of all of this, ways to help me through that if you hadn't of pushed me along with Kate I wouldn't have. If I don't go out anyway I will go stir crazy here at home."

"What about Kate Mike, you seem adamant to get back to her beforehand?"

"Yes because she is lacking sleep and still processing Jim's death but like me we both need to get back to work, back into routine and she will need some time to process everything without me around as well. She will have to get use to the idea of us being apart anyway. But when I make a promise to be there I should be there, it's something you ingrained into us as kids dad, we do as we say we will do unless something highly more important comes up, and as far as I'm concerned right now there isn't anything more important no life threating injuries to you or the rest of the family no reason for me not to be back there." He says as he heads off and has a shower trying to make himself feel better.

**2100 hours**

Mike is sitting at his kitchen table eating the meal his mother has placed in front of him. Sitting there thinking about life, thinking about Kate and where things will end up, more so the talk he knows they both need to have, but the talk he also wants to hold off doing till he knows she is in a better frame of mind.

The days before events start to play through Mike's mind now, with him not being side tracked with work, Kate, Maxine, and everything else that was going on he starts to replay how the day's before events could have unfolded, he starts to think about what he could have done different to have saved both lives, to save everyone from the bomb. Most importantly he feels like he has let Kate and Sally down, Kate by not returning back her partner, and Sally her husband in the same manner he left that morning. He knows it is all part of their job but for them working on the patrol boat division they don't normally see these sorts of things, unless they are posted on the frigates in war zones but then again bombs, explosions aren't the normally thing for the Navy, for the Army and SAS yes but the Navy no.

"Son it is going to be ok." His father says to him having noticed the tears falling down Mike's face.

"Really dad, I let someone die today and there is second person in ICU in critical condition that still may not make it."

"Mike don't go there." His father says to him.

"Why not dad, why the hell not. Since all this happened I've haven't even sat down and allowed myself to think about what happened yesterday. If I haven't been working I've been there for her dad. Do you know she begged me, pleaded with me that she needed me? How can I say not to that, how can I help her when I also need the help, that trying to help her isn't helping me either, that it's making it harder for me to stay focus about all of this, about everything that has happened between us." There is a brief moment of silence between the pair. "This wasn't how it was meant to be dad." Mike says his voice breaking as he says those words.

"I know son but we can't chance what happened if those two didn't do what they did things would be far worse than they are."

"I know that dad, but how do we work through all of this how do we not feel bad about it, how do I get through this without thinking it is all my fault that Kate is sitting in her apartment crying over loosing someone she cared about and that Sally is sitting by her husband's bedside not sure if he will wake up and if he does what damage has been done." Mike says to his father as he runs both his hands through his hair, his dad not saying anything knowing that his son needs to get these things off his chest and is pleased that he is cleared to listen and hear about what goes on within the Navy, cleared to do the work he went to university to learn to do.

"Honestly dad I don't know if I can keep doing this, everything has just been all over the god dam show it isn't funny."

"Maybe a chance of pace a different command might just be what you need son."

"I hope so because even with everything Paul has been teaching me it is still a struggle to get through, a struggle to stay topside more so on days like today and yesterday. Funny thing is I have told the crew over and over again to go talk to the risk management team about everything we have been under and dealing with but they all seem fine and were coping so well. Why the change now?"

"Maybe yesterday the loss of someone they all know, and the fact one of their family is in ICU is bringing it all home and also now with you jumping ship maybe they feel like they aren't good enough anymore, maybe they are thinking the same things as you, what could they have done different to prevent yesterday's outcome. Look just so you know Steve has put me down as someone the crew can contact if they want, your mother and I are going to stick around for a few weeks and give whatever help we can."

"I really should go check on Kate."

"Mike, Steve is there you need to stay here and get a full night's sleep, you will be use to her and even yourself if you are tired. I bet in the morning with a good night's sleep things will seem better and you will be more able to think with a clear logical head."

"But Kate…" Mike says his father can tell by his son's tone that he is worried for Kate and still cares deeply for her.

"Steve said he will ring if he needs you to go over there but right now you need to sleep, now go to bed son. And remember I'm here for you like every other time." His father says as he encourages his son to head to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the delay in getting another chapter updated the beta had some real life issues that needed dealing with. But here it is now for you all to read and enjoy :) **

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Kate has woken from another one of her dreams, as she lies there on her side, trying to clear her mind. A piece of paper sitting under her mobile phone on the bedside table gets her attention. She doesn't remember leaving anything under her mobile phone, let alone it being here on the table. She moves to sit up in bed, leaning against the headboard as she picks up the piece of paper.

_Dear Kate,_

_Please do not panic, I haven't left and I'm still alive. You fell asleep in my arms, so I tucked you up in bed before heading off to visit mum and dad like I had promised them I would._

_Please do not get mad at me, remember I am alive and I am here for you._

_If you need me ring ok, no matter how big or small, just ring._

_I should be back by 2000 hours the latest._

_Love Mike_

She reads it over and over again, wondering how she could have missed it beforehand. Then she remembers she wasn't really with it, not paying any attention to things in her home. She was more concerned with just getting through the simple tasks she had set for herself. Shower, bed, change, and try to get some more sleep without seeing the explosion again, without remembering that her world was falling apart around her.

A knock on her door brings her out of her thoughts; she quickly makes herself more presentable before heading down stairs as another knock sounds throughout her home.

"Sir," she says, shocked to see Captain Marshall at her door. She quickly goes to look at her watch to see what time it is, but finds she is not wearing it. Marshall can see the confusion on her face as she wonders when she took it off.

"It's 2100 Kate," Steve says to her, as he walks into her home, shutting the door behind himself.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" she asks, trying to make some sort of small talk but also trying to stay busy at the same time.

"A coffee would be nice Kate, have you had dinner yet?" he asks her. As she fills the kettle, she is not sure what to say the truth or lie to him.

"Kate, be honest with me please, and call me Steve. I'm here as a friend not for work. Well, I do have to talk to you about work, but it can wait. Let me whip up something for you to eat. How about something light like scrambled eggs on toast," he says, as he walks into her kitchen and starts going through her cardboards to find what he needs and starts to make her something to eat.

Ten minutes later, they are both sitting down to a feed of scrambled eggs on toast, Steve deciding to eat with her as he is hoping if he eats she may eat as well. As Kate starts to eat she didn't realize how hungry she was, and before long, her plate is clean and she is starting to feel slightly better for having some food in her stomach.

"What can I do for you Steve?" she finally asks him, after they ate in silence.

"You're on stand down till further notice, the whole crew of Hammersley is."

"Why sir, we are highly capable of performing our duties, just some of us needed a little bit more time to wrap our head around a few things. I plan to be back on Hammersley tomorrow morning before she sails," she replies defensively.

"I know you are able to do your job Kate," Steve says, knowing that to offend her right now would make things worse, "but for some of your crew they need some time off. Well, to be honest the whole crew needs some time off. You all have been dealing with a lot of stress and events that do not normally happen on a patrol boat. You and your Buffer would most likely be the only two who would be able to compartmentalize the best out of the crew, because you both have served time on the bigger frigates and been in situations where you have lost crew members before, the rest of the crew haven't. Plus Kate, you need time to grieve for the loss of Jim. He was your partner and his funeral is in two days' time."

Kate doesn't respond to what he has said straight away; she takes the time to think and go over what has been said. "And what if I want to return to work, what will happen then?"

"Well, first you will have to pass the fit for sea duty test. Then we would decide after going over the results from that if you do return to sea duty or desk duty."

"Oh great," she blurts, without thinking, "there goes any chance of a bloody promotion now."

"Oh god I just said that out loud now didn't I?"

He nods his head in response. "Why do you think that Kate?"

"Because I'm losing, I know I am. But right now I can't bring myself to deal with it all. Once that gets out, there is no way in hell Command is going to want someone who has lost it at the helm of a patrol boat or a frigate."

"I don't think they are going to hold that against you Kate, they will be looking more towards what you have done to fix what is going on, the steps you take to get better and also if you take those steps because you want to or are told to. I can tell you one thing, if you take those steps without being told to, it shows them more of the type of person you are than if you wait to be told you have to take them.

"You also need some time to adjust to what has happened, and to sort your head out. I told Mike the same thing I'm going to tell you. You need a good night's sleep even if you have to take something to sleep. An uninterrupted night's sleep can do wonders for the body, mind, and soul. I told Mike to stay with his parents tonight and that I would stay here with you. I spoke to one of the local doctors and they have given me a mild sleeping pill for you to take tonight. And I know from my phone call earlier onto you both haven't sleep properly since the explosion, so please take it. He can't give me or even you anything stronger without you going in for a check-up, but he said it should work and it has no really side effects par maybe still feeling tired tomorrow," Steve says.

She sits there thinking, as Steve passes over the medication. Scanning it, she notices that it was an herbal over-the-counter sleeping bill, something that she could go buy without much hassle. She reads the label and finds it is a stronger one than what she already has and is the same brand and she smiles to herself. For Steve, seeing her smile was a good sign that at least she could see some good in what he was doing for her.

"I'm going to give Mike a call, but make yourself at home. The spare room upstairs has been used, but there is one downstairs over there that you can use. It has a bathroom attached to it as well," Kate says, as she points to the room that is hidden out of sight.

Steve is pleased that Kate is allowing him to stay without him asking.

"I know what you're thinking Sir, how did I know you would be staying? Well, it has more to do with the fact Mike isn't here, and he said he would be and you have been to see him. You have always treated us as family; you made us all feel as if we are important to you in some form, not just another sailor under you. Also the fact you brought in your navy issue bags also gave you away."

"Plus knowing Mike, he wouldn't want me alone right now, and if he is still at his parents means he made some deal with you, or you made some deal with him and if I'm honest with myself I don't really want to be alone as such. Knowing someone is here if I need them is reassuring to me, knowing that once I take these and my dreams become too much there is someone here to help me," she says to him.

As she talks, she starts to feel like she can get through this and get to the other end, that this fog that she is currently in can be lifted from her shoulders. The fact she has said more to Steve in such a short time, more than what she has said to Mike is a relief, but she knows Mike understand what is going on without having to tell him.

"I'll clean up down here, you go ring Mike and say good night. Oh and by the way, his dad is approved for you guys to talk to. Kate, I know how you like to keep your personally life personal, and I fully understand. If you want to talk to someone he can do it for you, and clear you for work at the same time. Oh, and Kate, you and Mike are no longer breaking any rules so if you want to be together now you can be," he says as he turns, and takes the plates to the kitchen while she heads up stairs to her room shutting the door behind her.

"Mike Flynn," Mike says groggily into his phone as he answers.

"Sorry for waking you," comes the soft quiet voice of Kate.

"It's ok, how are you?" he says, as he sits up in bed, leaning against his headboard.

"I'm getting there. I miss you though."

"I will be there tomorrow honey."

"I know, I'm just so used to you being there when I need you, or around in some form, and now knowing you won't be on Hammersley makes it for some reason harder being apart from you," she says to him.

Mike isn't sure what to say.

"Is Steve there with you?" he finally says to her.

"Yeah, he's down stairs."

"You have Steve there with you, and if you like, you both can come for breakfast in the morning."

There is no reply to his question to her.

A few moments later, which feel more like minutes to them both, she talks again. "Can I come and stay with you tonight please?" she asks him.

"We both need sleep honey, and Steve is right, I do need a night of not being woken up to help me see things a lot clearer."

"Yeah, but if I'm there your mum and dad can help me and I have some pills to take that should help me sleep, plus you help me get to sleep," she says quietly to him.

"Ok, if Steve says it's alright, then you can come over. But check with him first, and get him to drive you over ok."

"Thank you Mike," she says before getting up, throwing some gear, into her bag. Heading down stairs, she sees Steve finishing off the dishes.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asks her, seeing her bag.

"Can you take me to Mike's please? You're more than welcome to come back and stay here for as long as you like. But I want to be with Mike, and maybe if I have one of my nightmares, dreams whatever they are, his dad can help me work through them," she says to him, and Steve can't find a reason to say no. The fact she is looking for some help is important to him, more important that this young lady that he has keep a close eye on all through her training and beyond, gets to be the person she wants to be without being haunted by nightmares of the explosion.

"Sure thing ring Mike and let him know we are coming over," Steve said.

"I already asked him," she says, as she gets her keys and her spare house key, passing it to Steve, so that if he wants to, he can take up the offer of staying at her place.

_**Twenty minutes later, and close to 2200 hours, Kate is knocking on the door of Mike's home.**_

"You don't need to knock Kate you do have a key," he says, not even thinking in his half dozed state that Steve is behind her, and heard what he said to her. But then Steve remembers something he said to Mike many years ago when the two served together on Hammersley. 'Always have someone you trust within your crew to have a key to your place just in case something happens.'

So it's no surprise to Steve to now know that Kate has the key to his place, but it wouldn't surprise him if Charge still has a key as well. No one would realize that the two are close in a way not all buddy, buddy, but they do have a good relationship having worked together for years now, not just on Hammersley but other boats as well.

"Steve, there is a spare bedroom if you just want to crash here for the night, but if you guys don't mind I'm going back to bed," Mike says, as Kate walks to his bedroom, already knowing where it is. For Steve, he is shattered with all the driving around and travelling he has done during the day.

"You bags in the car Steve?"

"Sure are. I picked them up as we lift Kate's place," he replies.

"Give me your car keys, and I will go get them for you, while you sit down and have a rest. We were about to have a hot chocolate before bed. Would you like one too?" Mark says to Steve.

"It's ok Steve, I don't mind making an extra one," Mary says from the kitchen.

"Ok then," he says.

The three sit and talk for a good hour before heading to bed, they just talked about things in general, Steve's wife Helen, Mark and Mary's children and grandchild.

When Mike enters his room, he shuts his door behind him as Kate changes into something better for sleeping in, and takes two of the herbal sleeping pills Steve told her to take. Mike sees what she takes and takes a look at them and checks it all over before placing it beside the bed and crawling in. Once he is in bed, Kate follow suit and snuggles up beside him, he turns the bed side light off but then turns his alarm clock's small night light on so that if either wake they know where they are, as the room was far too dark without it.

They both say good night, Mike then places a kiss on the top of Kate's head, before they both wrap their arms around each other the best they can and lie there in the quiet drifting off to sleep. It doesn't take long for them both to find the land of nod. And when the three adults check on them before heading off to bed, they find the two laying spooned up together. Mike was holding her tightly to his chest with her back against his chest, her arms linked within his, the sheet wrapped around them and under their arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up, but here it is for you all to read and enjoy._**

* * *

Kate wakes from another nightmare, this time she has managed not to disrupt Mike, as he lies beside her, one arm draped over her body as the rest of him is tucked up close to her. The need for physical connection even when asleep surprises Kate a tad as things between them haven't been good for several months now. But seeing that even when asleep he wants to be close to her, helps remind her that he did love her. She lies there trying to get back to sleep. After about twenty minutes she decides to get up and go to the kitchen.

"Can't sleep either?" Mike's dad Mark says to her as she enters the lounge.

"No I'm fine." She says back to him.

"You're not fine Kate and please don't try and convince me otherwise. How can anyone be fine with what happened out there yesterday."

"We're trained to deal with these sorts of things."

"Like you were trained to deal with Mike being taken hostage, and you thinking he had been blown up. You've got to start realising that you're not a robot, that you're human, allowed to feel things, allowed to let emotions get the better of you. Allowed to love the person you truly love and be with them. You both going to have to say once and for all stuff the Navy and their rules."

"It's not that simply. If I leave what is there for me this is my life, all I know. All I have aimed and achieved towards involves the Navy, involves becoming Chief one day." She says and she doesn't realise that his tactics right now are getting her to talk, to open up even if it isn't about the explosion itself, she is talking about her feelings and he knows from what Mike has semi not said, that she will be reliving that day, they thought they had lost him, the day that Maxine rang and told them Mike had been killed, that same day, hours later Maxine rings them back saying Mike had been found alive. Bruised and battered but alive.

"What about love? What about family?" He says as he watches her reactions to what he is saying to her.

"It only ever causes you grief."

"No Kate it doesn't"

"Yes it does all family has even done to me is cause me grief the same with love, anyone who I have loved has always left me, my father, Mike and now Jim. That says it all to me. I'm not going to allow myself to be hurt like this anymore." She says as she steers out into the backyard.

"Kate your father never left you remember, your mother took you away from him."

"But he never came looking for me, why didn't he come looking for me."

"That is something I cannot answer for you honey. I wish I could but I can't."

"What are you going to do about Mike and yourself?"

"I don't know, I don't want to be hurt but I can't stand to be away from him right now. It's just…." She starts to say something but stops unsure how to word what she wants to say.

"Mike hasn't left you; he's still here in a room down the hall, happily sharing a bed with you. Now to me that mean he hasn't left you; he's still here for you honey."

"But he could leave me, he's already has done that once before."

"Kate sweetie that was years ago, he told you why he left and he told you he was never going to leave again, that the only way he would leave is if he died. Remember we went over all of this, when we came after the kidnapping." He says to her, hoping she isn't going to close up shop and put her walls up like she has done time and time again.

"Do you want to talk about yesterday?" he asks after a few minutes of silence between them.

"No not really."

"And why is that?"

"Cause I want to forget about yesterday."

"You can't Kate someone died and another is in ICU."

"I know that I just wish yesterday never happened. I wish Jim was still alive and that Swain wasn't in hospital; that he was at home with his wife and kids." She says as tears fall down her face. "It should have been me on that boat, but they both refused to get off. Swain being Swain he wouldn't leave, Jim alone and he was right, the further they got the boat out to sea, the better for everyone re the fall out. It was my party I should have made them both get off. Ordered them to get off."

"Kate, Jim wasn't under your command was he?"

"No, but Swain was."

"Yes, but if they hadn't of done what they did, what would the outcome be for everyone?"

"A hell of alot worse, than what we are dealing with right now."

"Right so your decision to let them stay on board was the right one. Regardless of your relationship with Jim, would you repeat what happened out there again?"

"Most likely its standard procedure, but still..."

"No Kate don't. You did your job and that is all that matters."

"But people died."

"Don't people often die Kate? How many people have died while you've been working with Mike? How many people have you had to kill in the line of duty?" Kate says nothing to him straight away.

"They have families Mark, and now I have to confront Jim's, them thinking that I was the one that sent him to his death bed."

"He was SAS Kate, they would know that his line of work, was more high risk than a normal army soldier. Stop beating yourself up over it. It been and done you've got to find ways to move forward, to help yourself move on from this."

"But how when I keep re-living the same damn nightmare over and over again." And bang Mark thinks to himself she's brought up the nightmares the reason the two were meant to spend the night alone but are now yet again in the same house, sharing a bed again. Because she's too afraid to be away from Mike. His diversion tactic has worked.

"Moving forward will help with those, but they aren't going to go away that easy Kate. Lack of sleep and stress will make them worse. Though talking about them, breaking them down, finding the root of the nightmares, dreams, and episodes can help with the moving forward, help with getting rid of them." She says nothing to him though she does look at him unsure what to say. He can see that she is uncertain about talking, about them from her body language and the look in her eye.

"Who do you see in these dreams of yours Kate?" he asks softly knowing that while he can he should push just that little bit more, while she has her defences down. Any little bit of help he can get, of what is going on in her brain, what she is seeing will help when she has another one later, he will know what she is going on about. Though he has no idea how varied her dreams can be.

"I had some that involved Jim at the start but basically they've all involved Mike now." She's says very softly, afraid that saying their names out loud, might cause more problems.

"That's good Kate." Mark says giving her some praise hoping it might make her feel good that she is doing something right. "But you know what Kate I think we should stop talking and you should go back to bed get some sleep." He says to her and she turns and looks shocked and surprised at him. She was expecting more probing from him.

"It's late well early morning now." He says as he looks at the clock. "We can do more tomorrow." Though what she doesn't realise is that he is doing this before she puts her walls up, before she gets defensive. It is one thing he has learnt over the last year and when Mike got kidnapped is that Kate puts her walls up and once up you struggle to get past, it is best to go about getting information in a different tactic, then once you start working on the main issue only take a couple of tip bits and then stop allow her to process what has gone on, allow her to realise that you're not going to push her, for everything all at once, that giving up a few details is enough.

To be honest with himself he wasn't too happy seeing her arrive this evening as he wanted Mike to have some sleep, some proper sleep. But now after their talk in the lounge he is feeling better about it all.

Kate heads back to bed where she climbs in and snuggles up to Mike.

"You were gone a long time you ok?" he asks her after seeing the time on his bedside clock.

"I was in the lounge with your dad. Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't wake me as such, just the loss of contact woke me, I felt you get up but thought you were going to get a drink, then I fully woke up a few minutes after you left when I noticed you hadn't returned."

"Why didn't you come and check on me?" She asks him, uncertain as to why he didn't come to her.

"Well I guessed you may have wanted some space, and that you would get me if you needed me honey." He says as he lays a kiss on the top of her head as he pulls her closer to his body.

The two stay silent as they both lay wrapped up in each other's arms. Both just enjoying being with the other without having to talk. The physical contact being enough for them both, but for Kate it means so much more, it means he is still alive, still with her.

Out in the lounge Mark makes notes, on what the two have been talking about and as he does this he sees the same fears Kate had a year ago are still present today, that she still has struggled to move on, or to work through the fears of losing people, more so the ones she loves. The explosion of the boat that had Jim and Swain on board not helping her with this issue, bringing it all back up for her again.

"At least she is more willing to talk this time." He says to himself as he finishes off making his notes and then heading to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**The following morning**

**Mike's house.**

Kate, Mark and Mary sit at the table eating breakfast in silence, Mike and Steve having already finished theirs and are now in separate showers. Kate fiddles around with her food taking a bite every so often. Once Mary has finished eating and notices her husbands empty plate she gets up and starts to take the dishes to the sink. Kate away in her own world doesn't even notice what is going on around her and Mark notices that she is distant to the group.

He reaches over and gentle lays his hand on her arm, and he's surprised to feel and see her visible jump at his contact.

"You ok Kate?" He asks in a soft caring voice, she turns and looks at him quickly before turning her head away and getting up and leaving the table, deciding to head outside to Mike's back porch, where she sits down on one of the chairs and gets lost in her thoughts again.

Ten Minutes later Mike appears from his shower dressed in his Uniform.

"Mike what you doing dressed like that?" His mother asks him.

"I have some work to deal with this morning plus I need to find out when we sail next." Mike says to his mother and father. Having noticed Kate is not inside but outside on the back porch.

"Mike, Maxine is acting CO of Melbourne while you're out."

"Still Steve it's my boat I should be at the helm of it. Maxine has Navcom to run, she can't run it from Melbourne."

"But I can Mike, so either take the next few days off or I will order you to." Steve says firmly to Mike and he gets the message of do as you are told boy.

"Fine but I still have to go do some work so I will go down get what I need, and do what I have too before coming back here. That ok with you?" he says to him.

"That will be fine but you're to be back here by lunch time and if I hear that you aren't there will be trouble. You have someone out there that is far more important than the crew right now. She needs you a tad bit more son." He says as the two look out towards where Kate is sitting outside.

"I know but I can only do some much, she has to do the rest, and at some stage she is going to have to do this without me here, and know that when I go away I will return to her, return back home and staying home isn't going to help her."

"It won't in the long run son. She needs the reassurance that if she needs you she can find you and only a visible response will do for now, voice may work but not all the time. You both need time Mike." his father says to him in a gentle caring tone of voice.

"I know that dad but me sitting here at home isn't helping me at all either, yes I am reliving the events that have unfolded, I've tried to figure out if I could have changed anything, but I can't so I have to move forward and accept what has happened. I still have to finish writing up my reports for that day as well, which means I have to go over everything from everyone in fine detail , which means reliving it all over again, Minus Kate's report as I haven't received hers yet."

"Is Kate's the only one your missing from that mission?" Steve asks Mike.

"Yes it is but with her state of mind I haven't pushed her for it. I know I will get it from her but right now I don't think is the right time to be asking for it."

"But maybe asking for it will help her work things out, about what happened that day, did not involve you."

"They may not have involved me but she was with Jim and he died so she has to work through that."Mike says before walking out to the back porch to talk to Kate. Totally ignoring what ever the others were trying to say to him.

"You're leaving?" she asks him seeing him in his uniform.

"I have some work I need to go do, I have some reports to finish off and hand in at Navcom."

"Oh um sorry I haven't done mine from our last mission together can I use your laptop in your office to work on it? I have no idea where mine is right now?"

"My home laptop is in there but my work one is on Melbourne. I will get Dutchy to get your laptop off Hammersley for you, and once I'm back you can work on your report on my work one which is far more secure than the home one." He says to he as he sits down beside her on the chair she is sitting on. He gently places his hand on the top of her thigh just above her knee. "I'm going to be gone for several hours ok. I will have my mobile on at all times so if you need me just ring and I will answer. I will be spending some time on Melbourne working on finalizing some reports, and checking over things before going into see Maxine and Steve to hand them in before coming home. My plan is to be home by lunch time, is there anything you would like me to bring back home with me?" he says to her as his fingers keep gently caressing her thigh. She hears him using the work home not his place, making her feel more welcome there.

"Um can you get Dutchy to also grab my duffel bag from my cabin and bring it along with my laptop too please." She asks not to worried if Dutchy goes through her clothes since he had done it many months ago when she was stuck on Hammersley due to the McKinley Brothers being after her and instead they kidnapped Bird, as she remembers this tears start to fall down her face.

"Hey honey there is no need for those." Mike says as he moves his hand to wipe the tears away.

"So many bad things have happened due to my choices this year Mike."

"That is not true, now I need to head off you going to be ok?"

"I should be she says as she takes hold of his hand within her, they both sit there for a few minutes before Mike leans in and gentle lays a soft kiss on her lips, before then placing another on her forehead. He then leans his forehead against hers.

"We will get through this Kate. It will take time but we will get through this together." He says with more inverses on the word together, before he places one last lingering gentle kiss on her forehead, before getting up and leaving the porch and his house to go off and do some work.

Kate stays where she is thinking about a lot of what had happened over the last year or so. How she gave up on Mike ever getting off Hammersley, how she though he had to be the one to get off, and when she got totally sick of him and thinking he didn't trust her she happily applied for a transfer even though she at the time was totally hacked off with him. Then he goes and tries to play the hero and gets himself taken hostage, how she felt when she thought he was dead, that she had let things get so bad between them and wouldn't be able to fix it or tell him how she truly felt for him. Then Maxine telling her that Mike had put her at the top of the list, throwing her another curved ball. He did trust her, he had faith in her to run his baby. He was prepared to leave Hammersley. She remembers how she felt when she found him alive, her world seem to spin again she felt like she could breath. Then when she didn't get her promotion she was upset, everything she had planned and thought was about to all fall apart on her, and then with she was informed that Mike was staying on for the seeable future her world crumbled. She had ago at Mike to then find out he had no idea had all and then he went over Maxine's head to get off threatened to resign for them, for the future they had talked about, and what did she do she panicked. She was scared that if he did give up his way of life that he would at some stage hate her for it so she broke it off telling him she wasn't sure about there being an us anymore, that she didn't want it, she saw his heart shatter before turning and leaving knowing her heart was doing the exact same thing as his was, but she told herself it was for the best. and during all of this she had managed to have Bird Kidnapped so the kidnappers could get closer to her to avenge their sister death on the person who killed her.

Kate was starting to wonder if she was fit to keep doing this job? She had, had members get taken not once but twice even if some where on an X-ped with an experience officer they still got taken hostage, then Charge got taken by his brides father thinking he only married his daughter to get inside information which wasn't the case and even now the two were still married and applying for the right visa's for her with help from Mike.

Though once she broke it off with him she kept her distance until she got together with Jim, as she sits there she starts to realize why she did that, she was seeing what he would do if he saw her with another man. And when he did try to fight for her she through it back at him. And here he was by her side again in a heartbeat. No questions asked. Just here as she needed him.

"Why couldn't I have been there for him when he need me like he is for me?" She says quietly to herself not knowing that Mike's dad has just stepped out to see if she was ok.

"You ok out here Kate?" Mark asks having heard her but not wanting to ask just yet what she meant she turns and looks at him and he can tell she has been crying, as her cheeks are wet, her eyes are red and puffy and she can't but help herself as she trys to wipe away the falling tears.

"Do you want to talk about?" He asks her and she just sits there not saying anything. He takes a seat beside her but with some space between them allowing her to have her area of comfort.

"What is there to talk about?" She says back to him with some attitude thrown in to it.

"Well the tone of voice is a good place to start." He says back to her trying not to take her tone of voice to heart but he does. He loves this person as one of his own, he see's the love Mike has for her and he see's at times from her as well but something is stopping her from fully loving Mike, and he has two ideas as to why that is and some of it he knows as she has spoken about it but whether she knows is a whole nother story.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Sorry for the delay in getting this up, real life got me side tracked. I do hope you all enjoy it.**_

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"There is always something to talk about." He says giving a pause, allowing her the chance to answer and when she doesn't he starts to talk to her again.

"We could talk about the weather, or what to have for dinner tonight, Mary loves planning so I'm sure she is already raiding Mike's cupboards to find what he has and doesn't have and making a list that will then involve me being dragged down to the supermarket with her to help get it all." Mark says to Kate, informing her that there are things to talk about and things that are not directed at what she may be thinking right now.

"And man do I hate shopping with Mary for Mike's cupboards, 'will he like this?', 'do you think he will eat that?' 'will he mind me doing such and such.' the whole way to, around and home from supermarket," his voice full of sarcasm at what his wife is like.

"He'll eat whatever is put him front of him, something you learn in the Navy is you can't be fussy on your food. Though his favorite is my homemade crumb chicken, seasoned root vegetables and a bean mix...Well that was when I last cooked for him." She replies her voice going from upbeat and bright to outrightly down when she talks about the last time she cooked for him.

"Now that meal sounds interesting do you do it all yourself or buy packets like Mary does at times?" Mark asks her his stomach grumbling at the sound of the lovely meal she made for his son.

"The Crumb Chicken I do myself as its pretty easy, the bean mix comes from a bag, the seasoned root vegetables are a mixture of the potato seasoning in a packet and a few extra added herbs on my part, olive oil, tossed all together then placed on a sheet of baking paper then put in the oven to roast, with some water in another dish, the crumb for the chicken is just bread crumbles though have found a mixed of course and fine to be good, some powdered chicken stock, a touch of garlic, mixed in the bread and then the standard egg and flour before bread crumbs and cook in a pan."

"I think I may have to get you to cook that for dinner tonight my stomach is in overdrive it sounds simple and delicious."

"Messy more like it, but he loved it so I did it." She says back sounding down.

"Mark am I asking too much of him?" She says out of the blue totally taking Mark for a sixer,

'_WOW wasn't expecting that sort of question to come out from her.' _ he thinks to himself as he thinks about how to answer.

"In what way do you think this Kate?" He replies to her, turning his answer around into a question to her to get her to talk and open up more again.

"Me being here, expecting him to drop everything for me after what I did to him."

"The only person who can answer that question is him honey."

**Carin's Naval Docks**

**HMAS Melbourne**

"Morning Sir," Says Mike's XO Lieutenant Commander Garry Hogan.

"X you can call me boss as well, you don't always have to use Sir." Mike says as the two walk towards Mike's cabin.

"It was a very interesting night with Knocker on board." Garry says as they walk.

"Yea sorry about that."

"It's no problem, been nice to be warned and not get a phone call from Captain Marshall of the change."

"Yea he pulled me for a few days. So I've come for a few items that i need at home, also the reports from the night before done for me?" He asks

"Yes they are I put them all in a folder for you, and Knocker was going to leave them in your top draw."

"Thank you. How is the crew handling the events."

"Not too bad some of the junior crew I have sent off this morning to talk about it all. They may not have seen the explosion but they are out there seeing everything floating around, plus they know we have one in ICU. I just thought it be best for them to talk about it and learn ways to deal with this sort of thing early."

"Good idea. Well done on thinking like that. I'm going to be on board for about an hour to do my reports before I drop them off at NAVCOM and then head home, is there anything I need to address while I'm here?"

"Not that I can think of Boss, though how long do you plan to be off ship for?"

"That is up to Marshall. Also can you get Hammersley on the line and have it patch through to my cabin please."

"Sure thing, I'll go do that now." he says, as he heads off and does as has been requested of him.

Ten minutes later Mike is on the phone to Dutchy asking him to get Kate's laptop to him after they come in tonight.

Over the next hour Mike works away at his reports reading over the reports from the crew as well, he keeps on working totally losing track of time.

**Twelve pm**

**Mikes Backyard.**

Mark has just returned back home with his wife and see's Kate still sitting out in the back yard, and he decides to head out and talk to her.

"Made any progress with yourself?"

Nope." She replies back.

"I've been going over and over in my head, trying to understand why he jsut stepped down, backed away."

"Backed away from what Kate?"

"He backed away when he found out Jim had proposed. He wished us both luck and a happy life and then walked away as if i meant nothing to him." She mangers to say as tears fall down her face.

"I doubt you meant nothing to him hun, he would've just taken the more gentlemen route. Have you ever heard the saying. '_If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.'"_

I have heard of it, but what's it got to do with us. With me?" She says, he sees her blank expression.

"He set you free, when he found out what Jim had done he decided to set you free and see what happens."

"Yea but still it doesn't explain why he has just allowed me to come back and share his bed so easily as if nothing has happened between us. I have been a real right bitch to him for the last few months and all he has done is try and I've always throw it back at him. And then when I wanted to talk to him about it all he shut the door on me. I know he's only doing this right now till I'm better then hes going to kick me out and that will be the end of it all."

"How do you know that is his plan?'

"Why else would he be doing this, we're not a couple, we're nothing to each. All because I stuffed up yet again."

"You not nothing to each other Kate."

"Yes I am, he's only doing this out of duty, not out of love."

"Kate, how could you think that of me." Comes the voice of Mike from behind them, He had heard the last few sentences from both of them, he wanted to say hi, but also didn't want to interrupt, but when she said what she said his mouth worked before his brain.

He walks towards the two and sits down right beside her on her chair, he places his hands on top of her,s she looks down at their hands and he lifts one hand to lift her chin up so he can speak to her, her looking at him.

"I've loved you for a long time, longer than I can remember, even before I realised what it was that I had with you all those years ago when we first met. I'm not doing this out of duty, I'm doing this because you asked me, and because I love you." He says as the tears fall down her face."

There is silence between them all, and Mark makes a quiet exit without the two noticing, both wrapped up in each other, though he does take a seat inside by the door just in case he is needed back out in the yard.

"I don't know what to do Mike, I'm scared, lost. There is so much going on within me, I have no idea who I am anymore." her voice sounding broken. "i don't know what to do anymore, I want to run, but I have no strength to run. I want to be alone but being alone is hard I need someone there. We're not even together and here you are dropping everything for me yet again, being there when I need someone."

"It's what you do when you love someone. You be there for them in whatever way they want you to be there for them."

"It doesn't stop the nightmares, why can't the nightmares stop. Why Mike, why am I being punished like this, why am I having to relive the moment I thought you had been killed." She sobs out to him, as he wraps his arms around her they move without thinking into a better position on the chair and Mike holds her, as she cries.

They sit there Mike rubbing her back and gentle saying words of comfort to her, every so often he drops a kiss to the top of her forehead.

'_She is so emotional right now, I hope dad can help her get better. I love her so much. She is my world, and I would do anything for her, anything. Including walking away to allow her to be happy. I know I shouldn't feel relieved, but I do Jimis now gone and she can be mine, but I should think like that Jim was a friend and colleague to many of us. He was a great servicemen for the SAS, and he had saved my crew's life a number of times over the years. If it wasn't for him Swain may not be still with us, though things are still touch and go there he has a fighting chance thanks to Jim.'_

'_She is crying a good amount boht my shirt and are wet, from her tears. It's heartbreaking sitting here holding her as she cries like this. I would do anything to make her stop, but I know she also needs to get this out as well.' I wish I could also take her nightmares away, I know I can't but I want to.' Mike says to himself as he sits there holding her as she cries._

It takes Kate a good twenty minutes for her crying to stop, Mike's shirt is totally soaking wet, he makes a note in his head to make sure it gets sent off for drycleaning asap.

He stays holder her, allowing her to snuggle up and into him, and for once he is enjoying it with no fear of if someone catches them like this, he wraps his arms around her even tighter, pulling her even closer to his body.

"Can we go to your room?" She quietly asks him.

"Of course honey." He says as the two get up and head inside.

As they walk through the lounge Mark, watches them both, he spots Kate's red and blotchy face and Mike's wet shirt. He also notices how the two are wrapped around each other. To him it looks like Mike is leading Kate to the bedroom. He allows the couple to head off without a word being said.

**Cairns Naval Hospital**

"How's he doing?" Sally asks as one of the doctors come in to check Chris over.

"He has a very long road ahead of him Mrs Blake."

"Please call me Sally, and don't sugar coat anything as once my mother arrives who is a nurse she will be able to read and tell me the truth, plus I don't really remember much of what the doctors told me over the last day or so." She says to the doctor.

"Ok Sally, your husband has a long road ahead, he is doing as well as can be expect. As you are aware we have him in a medically induced coma, this is to help his brain as he did take a knock to the head as the scan shows several skull fractures, we also want to allow his body the chance to heal and repair plus fight any infection without him being in pain. If he feels pain his body won't' heal well. Also having him like this also makes it easier for us, to deal with his injuries and give him what he needs as he needs it. I know all these wires, tubes and machines that are attached to him may seem scary but they are there to help your husband."

"So when will we know if he's going to survive?"

"Well he made it through the first twenty four hours, he has been stable since coming out of surgery and for me personally the longer he stays stable and doesn't get any major infection the better for him. To be honest it be a good week at least before we even think about weaning him out of the coma."

"How will you know when it is a good time to bring him around?"

"No infection, well no major infection, he is going to get some sort of infection due to the nature of his injuries and how it all happened, the antibiotics should help prevent anything nasty. He stays stables with no setbacks, and also depends on his ribs. He may be better staying under for a little longer to allow them to have more healing without him feeling the pain. We could give him strong pain relief for his ribs, but since we have him under like this he might as well stay that way. I'll ask to be assigned to your husbands case so I can be around if you need me."

"Thanks Brian, I think i will go home and spend some time with our children, and get some sleep."

"And that is important as well Sally, you need to rest, being here is good for him as well but once he is awake he will need you and your children do as well. You are more than welcome to ring anytime day or night to find out how he is doing." He says as the two leave the room. Flowers are placed all over the nurses area, since it being ICU no flowers are allowed in the rooms.

"You're more than welcome to send those to other patients or other wards to cheer people up there is bound to be loads of flowers to come in yet." Sally says to one of the nurses before leaving the ward to head home.

**NAVCOM**

**CAIRNS**

Marshall is on the phone in Maxine's office, talking to the Chief of Navy.

"Yes, Sir."

"No Sir I already given the crew of Hammersley three weeks off I have the reserve crew on board right now, par a few who have stayed on to help the crew."

"Petty Officer Bosun Dylan Mulholland, he asked to stay on while cleanup is done and then will take leave, also Leading Seaman Robert Dixon, and also Seaman Jessica Bird request to stay on board and help. I was informed by the Bosun that he has been helping her cope with it all and wants to be close to him. When I talked to Mike he said that the two had a close relationship, he did state close like brother and sister, as he took her under his wing."

"I did talk to them both about that Sir, they said there is nothing like that, I also explained to them the minute you feel any of those feelings think long and hard about if it is worth it or not. Or are the feelings only because of being so close to each other over this period of time. But I was told that Maxine's son and her have been seeing each other off and on."

"Sir, I did approve a relationship between two offices yesterday."

"Sir, it was for the best they no longer on the same ship now, no chain of command to be worried about. It's been a long time coming I saw it when I was working here how they have manger to work together and keep things professional is beyond me, but they have."

"How do I know?, now come on you don't think I'm that stupid do you, I have my ways Sir."

"Oh no I'm not telling. I felt after the latest events and Flynn's reports of late that it was best for both to approve it now. Before anyone says anything about it."

"Yes his father is here helping them both out. Lieutenant McGregor is not in the right frame to be working, Mark said it looks like she is suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, but she has asked for help, she knows she isn't herself and she is taking those steps."

"That is what I told her as well Sir, anything we have to push her to do will reflect back badly, if she takes the steps then it looks even better for her, she's a fine officer and after reading what Hammersley has been doing since Flynn's kidnapping I'm not surprised we aren't experience more problems with the crew, Our damn frigates don't see the things they have seen, I would like to know why they have been allowed to be put through that amount of stress, without any breaks. Or at least a stress management team should have been called in months ago for them. I will be speaking to Maxine about it once we have things settled down here."

"Yes I have that ready to go once we know more, right now he is stable but no change, I was told that is good news, the longer he stays stable the better for him."

"Yes Sir, I will do."

"Goodbye."

Marshall finally hangs up the phone after speaking to the Chief. He leans back in the chair he is in thinking about what lies ahead for several people involved with Hammersley.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Right here is the next installment for you all to read and enjoy :)**_

* * *

_**Flashback**_

Mike and Kate are both curled up on his bed, in his childhood home. The farm sounds from outside being able to be heard with in the room, Even though it is warm weather the two are still curled right up together.

"How's the nightmares going?" She asks him gentle as her hand strokes his chest.

"They still there." His replies is flat as if he doesn't want to talk.

"Mike you got to talk about it otherwise it will eat you up alive. You've been here for three weeks now, your rib's are still causing a few issue and you still not talking about it. You look like you haven't slept in weeks which is properly true." she fires at him worried and scared that she is loosing him to what happened.

"Kate don't please."

"No Mike sort it out or everything we spoke about last time I was here would have been all for nothing." She says as she gets up and heads out of his room, leaving him there to think about things."

**Present**

"When do you go back to work?" she weakly asks him, as the two lie on his bed, in each others arms.

"In about five days, mum and dad are staying." He says as he feels her snuggle in closer to him.

"I spoke to Dutchy earlier he's going to drop your laptop and some of your things off when they dock later on. Even though the rest of the crew have time off he's decided to keep working."

"Why, he should be taking it off like the rest of us."

"He unlike most of the crew has experienced similar things, he knows how to handle what's happened better, plus he said he handles things better if he keeps on working and he was going to have a session with Dad tonight when he came around as well, he told me he knows what he is doing and he knows that working and talking are highly important."

The two lie there nothing being said between them. His hand gently caressing the small of her back.

"Why didn't you tell me you applied for a transfer?" She asks him. He knew sooner or later she would bring it up again, but was he ready to talk about it or not.

"The same reason why you didn't tell me about Jim's proposal." Mike snaps back at her.

"Mike."

"Look I didn't tell you because I knew you would go all overboard about it, I had picture several different reactions and none of them were good." He interrupts her.

"What did you picture."

"You going off at me, telling me I'm only doing this so you would dumb Jim. Another one you told me I was being an emotional coward and was running yet again from my feelings, but your still with Jim. Ever single time I picture telling you, you had a go at me and you were still with Jim. Not once could I picture, a happy outcome from it all. An outcome that benefited me. Then the explosion and then I never got around to informing you."

"Is this a permanent move off Hammersley?" she asks with some trepidation.

"Yes it is, I'm changing ships to see if working with a different crew doing a different job may help me out."

"Why what's wrong?"

"Nothing." MIke says trying to get away from the topic of him.

"Mike talk to me please?" She begs him. As she moves to look at his face.

"Was there another reason behind you going to Fleet Command to demand your shore posting? It's wasn't solo because of me?"

"No it wasn't solo driven by you. I was ok staying on knowing I was going to be off come the signal list coming out, I had expected another CO to step in when you didn't get your promotion. Then we had more crap happen and no sign of me ever getting off. I've been in charge of Hammersley for a long time now a good ten years, she's the reason I left you the first time around and the rules. But anyway I need a chance, need to do something different, we've gotten to much like a family and it's making my job harder to do and that is not what you want in a CO. A CO needs to be clear headed, be able to issue orders without worrying if the women he loves is going to return dead or alive, and the same with the crew. There has been far too many close calls with our crew in the last year, and I've had enough." He says to her, though she can feel there is more to it than that.

"There's something you're not telling me Mike, what is it?"

He says nothing, thinking how can she know there is more to it than what he has already said to her.

"Mike, I know you're hiding something cause your explanation is far too long for you. There is something you're not telling me."

"Like you all of a sudden deciding to give up on everything we had spoken about everything I had dreamed about for us, all because you decided you didn't want this anymore, once you did't get your promotion. Which then had me thinking that Jim was behind it and over time I came to realise that maybe you were using me to get your promotion, or that Jim was the real reason cause once you and Jim were together you had no problem at all, at spending time with me, going out to dinners together, being seen together in public. Then Dutchy told me the night before the explosion that you ended it all because of my career, you told him my career was more important to me, who gives you that right to make that choice for me, shouldn't it have been my choice to make, should us calling it off been a mutual thing, talked over between us, not you ending it all while on board Hammersley then not allowing me to talk to you find out why you did it. No you did it and left me trying to keep a brave face while I disappeared because for once I was not being that emotional coward you use to call me, for once I thought I was doing the right thing." He says his voice trailing off towards the end, the emotions of that day still hurting him, he moves away from her and sits up on the edge of the bed, placing his head in his hands.

"It still hurts today what you did that day. You gave me no chance, no chance at all." She hears the desperation, the hurt at what she had done that day. He gets up from the bed when he feels her moving towards him.

"Mike?" she quietly asks as she watches him pacing his room.

"Do you have any, any idea at all how it affect me, how much I wanted to break down but couldn't. How I had to act as if I was in control when inside I was falling apart.

"Yes the cold shoulder I got afterwards was a good indication."

"The cold shoulder that was to stop myself from saying something that could've gotten us both fired, plus I wasn't too sure if I would be able to control myself and not bite your head, and you know what was worse after you did that was the fact I wasn't sure I could trust you, but then I thought maybe I should include you more into what is going on. Maybe you left cause you felt out of the loop. I spoke to you about Ryan and his father, put it made no change you still never came back to me, then Jim. I know you loved him but it hurt like hell seeing the two of your together like that again, this time I didn't really care if he knew how I felt about him and the two of you because for once I wasn't at fault, for once I was prepared to get off and you know what he knew too, because he came and saw me asked me why you hadn't given him an answer, asked if it was because I told you about me changing ships. We talked a little bit and he was shocked to find out it was you that didn't want an us, and also you didn't tell him that I had no choice over staying on Hammersley."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because he needed to know the truth, he was blaming me for you not accepting his proposal, and then for being out of sorts, he thought I had been whispering in your ear about it, when in fact I was stepping away allowing you to make the decision on your own. But he knew no matter your decision accepting or not I was transferring. There was no way in hell I could stay on board Hammersley any longer and watch you with another man." He says as he moves off to his ensuite and leans on the basin cupboards.

"He asked me why I hadn't fort to get you back, and when I told him you wouldn't talk to me until the two of you were together, and then I felt it wasn't right to get in between you two." He says as the tears start falling down his face.

"Look I can't do this right now." He says as he shuts the door to his private bathroom, Mike undresses as the shower heats up, once warm enough he gets in and sinks to the floor tears falling down his face. Bringing up memories of that day and the months afterwards and then the day before the explosion thinking there would be no them, no chance of him being happy, and changing ships, changing commands seemed the best thing out, the best thing for him and his heart, not just his mind.

He is so away in his own thoughts, tears streaming down his face that he hasn't registered Kate entering the bathroom, or the shower until he feels arms around him and her face on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Mike, I thought I was doing the right thing, I'm so sorry."

"Is this how it's going to be for us, are we always going to be so close but yet also so far away from being able to be together." His voice so full of sorrow, as he looks her her, both seeing the hurt, sadness and love for each other, in the red puffy eyes of the other.

"But you're on another ship now, different command ot me."

"Yea but I'll be on a different roster to you, are you going to run when we don't get to spend time together because when I'm in you're out and visa versa, is that going to be too hard for you cause if you're not going to comment fully then I..." He doesn't even finish what he is saying before her lips are on his.

"Kate if this is..." he tries to say when they break apart for air but her lips are back on his, more hungry for his this time, more demanding, he gives in to her, and before long she is sitting a side him on the shower floor as they kiss each other, with all the built up passion from the last few months.

They break apart, their foreheads touching both trying to catch their breaths.

"Passion has never been our issue Kate, its been communicating with each other. I know I ran the first time around but I thought you knew how important you where to me, how important that future we talked about was to me, I thought you wanted the same."

"I did just not at the cost of your career." she says as she moves and rest her head against his chest, looking down but her eyes are closed trying to hold back the tears that she knows are trying to escape. His arms still around her.

"My career and if I stay or go is my choice to make more so if it gave us a chance to be together."

"But us wouldn;t you talk to me about that choice?"

"Why so you could talk me out of it, thats the reasons I went straight to Fleet Command, I'm sure Maxine was keeping me on Hammersley and if she had her way I would still be there." he says as he pulls her closer to his chest the shower still running over them both, the light pounding of the warm water on his skin helping calm him some.

"Maxine has always had ideas that the two of us can be more than friends, and she doesn't take no for an answer very well, the night, the only night we have been together sexual was the night Ryan was conceived, and that took a shit load of wine to us two in bed. Plus to be honest there is no real spark when we did it not like when I'm with you." he replies to her as he then gently lays a kiss on the top of her head as he holds her tight.

The two sit in the shower for a good length of time not saying anything just holding each other. As the water cools the two getup and dry themselves off.

"I know I need help Mike, and I know if I take the steps Marshall said he will be there supporting me with the Navy. I have no idea how long it's going to take before I am even ready to go back to work, but I think for once I'm going to have to let others help me, I have no idea what is really wrong with me but I know I need help, it's going to be hard but will you be there for me. You won't give up on me will you, this could get ugly and hard your dad said to me." she gets out

"You'll be there for me won't you?" her voice dropping down in tone and volume, becoming unsure of herself yet again.

"Of course I will be." He says as he walks up to her and wraps his arms around her pulling her into his chest as he holds her.

"You're the only thing keeping me going, keeping me from doing something stupid to myself." She says into his chest and he picks up on the last part of her statement the part she hasn't realised she has said, which now has him worried for her own safety now.

"Honey?" He says to her as he lifts her chin up so he can look her in the eyes. "I'll be here but you have to promise me no matter how hard it gets do not under any terms hurt yourself ring me, no matter the time or day or night you ring me, or you ring my parents. If anything was to happen to you." He says the thought of losing her to something like this hurts him and he just wraps his arms around her pulling her as close as he can get her to his body.

As the two stand in each others arms, Mike realises he will need to tell his father about what she has said, as he is sure she let it slip without knowing it and he doesn't want her to start closing up on him so he's letting it semi slide, but it does make him worry, worry about her safety.

**Lounge**

"This is Jessica Bird, we call her Bird on board, I stopped off to see her on my way here and she's a bit scared to go talk to the risk management team and shrinks we have in place. I hope you don't mind me bringing her along with me. I thought it might help her seeing me talking and also having me there." he says as Bird then follows Mike mum to the kitchen to make a hot drink for them all.

"And what's your relationship to her?"

"More the over protective big brother, we're not related but I have been keeping an eye out for her and making sure she is looked after properly. It's more important for the females of our job to be able to do there thing but have the support to back them up, she's been learning so much from our X but at times I'm there helping her or she comes to me if she can't go to the X. I think between Swain, the X and I she decided to make a career with the Navy and I think its important to support her and provide whatever she needs from us." He says as he watches Bird from the kitchen, the question from Mike's father setting off other things within him, is it more than brotherly love he has for her or is it more.

"There is nothing wrong with you having more than brotherly love for her Dylan."

"Yes there is I'm thirty five, and she is nineteen. Major age difference."

"Sixteen years is not that major not like it's thirty years, but that is properly not why you're here is it?"

"No, I know for me to be past fully fit for sea duty I need to pass the shrinks reports. I have been in similar incidents before, I do have some coping mechanisms in place, but this is the first time it has been to someone I know so well. Par one other incident that was close to me this is the only other one that has me wondering a number of things. For one how to support our junior sailors through this, I have no idea how to be there for them, I'm so use to dealing with this sort of thing alone, but since being on Hammersley I have learnt we deal with everything as a team, a family." the two talk as Bird comes in and sits down beside him and sits very close to Dylan which doesn't go unnoticed by Mark, he notices how Dylans arm automatically goes up and around the young girls shoulders and pulls her even closer to him, providing comfort without even her asking him for it.

The two talk and at times Jessica says a few things, with encouragement from Dylan. The two don't even notice Mike and Kate entering and heading to the kitchen to make a drink.

As they are about to make their presence known there is a knock on the door.


	11. Chapter 11

_The two talk and at times Jessica says a few things, with encouragement from Dylan. The two don't even notice Mike and Kate entering and heading to the kitchen to make a drink._

_As they are about to make their presence known there is a knock on the door._

The sound of someone knocking on the door is either not heard or ignored by Dutchy, Bird and Mark as the three stay in the lounge talking.

Mary heads to the door as Mike and Kate stay in the kitchen, hoping whoever is at the door isn't someone who is going to want to stay long.

"Steve?" Mike says surprised to see him in their house at this hour.

"I came to drop these off to you two to sign off on." He says as he passes over some paperwork that needs their signature.

The two sign away and as Mike is doing this he is wondering how to go about telling Steve that Kate needs to not be left alone for her own safety. But he also doesn't want this to be reflected back on her record either.

"Steve can I talk to you in private?" he finally asks him, and the two wandered off to Mike's office. Not before Mike whispers something into his mother's ear.

"What's up Mike?" Steve asks as Mike shuts the office door

"It's about Kate, and what I'm about to tell you can't go on her record."

"Mike what's wrong?" he asks the concern present in the tone he uses.

"We were talking earlier and she said something and I don't even think she realised what she said,"

"Mike you've got me worried now what did Kate say to you?" He asks again as he watches Mike pace in the small room.

"She said if it wasn't for me she would of done something stupid to herself, she's thought of hurting herself."

Steve notices different emotions play out over Mike's face.

"Ok so what we need to do then is make sure she isn't left alone, and that I also apply for medical leave for her once their time off is up. I would take it you will want her residing here and not at her apartment?"

"Yea, but that is going to start looking fishing to people once they find out."

"And that is none of their business Mike, I watched you two together for three years, I saw how well you two worked together, I could hear at times when one of you was worried about the other when in a serious condition. I never, ever had a XO get as demanding as she can get over your welfare. And funny enough so do you. But since there was no reports, your crew did not know a thing there was nothing we could do, but I did think it would be easier to get you off, but it still took the Chief to get you promoted and off Hammersley."

"Yea then you guys put me right back on."

"And you took your time to name someone then we had the terrorist issues and I know you were meant to be off but we have another CO have to take a shore posting and we needed you to stay on, experienced hands were needed for that job."

"I understand that now but why not tell me the truth at the start, it could've maybe saved me and Kate a lot of heartache."

"Well Maxine should have told you that information."

"Well she didn't but she also had a lot going on at that time as well. So what is the plan then for me?"

"Well we have no idea how long you will be on Melbourne for Mike, their CO is off due to family matters,"

"Ok that is fine but will I be put back on Hammersley because there is no way I am returning to her now. I'm off and I want it to stay that way."

"Well you can't cause I made a note in both Kate's and yours file that the two of you are in a relationship."

"You did what?"

"Well I would presume after the last few days that is where this is heading well the last five years is it or should I say ten years Mike?"

"You know?" he says totally shocked that Steve knows how far back the two of them go.

"Yes I know about back then, but by the time I found out it was far too late to do anything about it, but I do have one question for you Mike since she stepped back in your life have you done anything that would cause me concern? Cause there to be proof that you two broke the rules?"

Mike says nothing he knows of one time they were both in uniform, he knows Dutchy saw them as Kate told him, then there is the time they spent at his parents. Though he was on leave and not on Hammersley he has no idea how to answer this question from Steve without putting them both in the dog house.

"Mike tell me please?"

"Kate and I had one night together when I got promoted before my return, no chain of command there. The next time was um when I was taken, She was the one that found me and you can most likely figure out what happened next on the boat."

"Yes I can, and under those circumstances having thought you were dead to be found alive, would have anyone doing the same thing. And going by your face that is not all?"

"No it isn't when I was on medical leave, we spent some time together at my parents place. We did share a bed, and kiss but nothing sexual. At the time I wasn't on Hammersley, I wasn't her boss. I was off because of that kidnapping and how it affected me."

"Ar yes those reports were interesting, so far the time when she found you on the boat and kissed you there has been no other times while in uniform that I need to know about and worry that others may have seen and may lay a complaint?"

_Flashes of times when Mike had, had her in his arms and laid a kiss on her head, when others weren't around or when rescuing her from somewhere, or someone, thinks he knows where wrong to do but he couldn't help himself he had to do them, it felt so right her in his arms, him protecting her._

"No, though Dutchy did see Kate and I kissing that day, she spoke to him about what he saw. But we need to get back on to Kate, I don't want her to feel like we are smothering her, but if she has gotten this low, she is bound to feel worse as she goes through this. She knows dad has told her things will most likely get more ugly and worse but is she going to be able to handle it, and my worst fear is that she goes through this she is put on suicide watch and then it affects her Navy career all because she was trying to get the help that she knows she needs. I know mum and dad will stay up here for as long as Kate needs her, but what will happen once they go home and she gets back to work and I'm not here. I have to return back to work in a few days and don't give me any mumble jumble on that Steve we both know that once that site is cleaned and cleared Melbourne will get a few days rest before we head back out yet."

"Well first off lets get through the first part and get her to a point where she can work, where we aren't worrying about her welfare and what she may do to herself. Shell we?"

"Yea I suppose that is a good place to start."

"We will get her through this Mike, I wont note down that she has had thoughts of hurting herself, I will though talk to your dad and have him do a recommendation that due to the event, her grief and other issues that as Kate goes through this healing process she may need to be monitored twenty four seven. As she may need your father there in the middle of the night to talk her through whatever has arisen. I will find a way around it for you boht Mike."

There is a knock on the door and Mike goes over to see who it is.

"Dad you better come in we need to talk to you." MIke says the three then talk about Kate, and how best to address the issue at hand without it affecting her career or record.

**Two days later.**

Mike, Kate are dressing into their ceremonial whites, while Steve is in another part of the house doing the say.

"Do you want to be beside me through this or off with Jim's family?" MIke asks he knows she saw his family yesterday and spoke to them.

"No I need you beside me, I won't be able to get through this without your support." the two finish getting ready as they head off to the docks for the ceremony.

"Sir, Ma'am." Mike says as the two run into Steve and Maxine with some other Navy officials as well as Army officials who have gathered around. The group talk for a few minutes before Mike and Kate move and head over to the rest of the Hammersley crew.

"Hi Boss so are we going to be having a leaving party for you, your shout too since you're decided not to inform us?" Comes from Charge trying to lighten the mood of the day.

"Well circumstances were such that I didn't get around to doing it before all hell broke loose. And yes we can but I think it be best to wait I don't think this is the right time to be having a celebration party."

"You're right there boss." Charge replies back with.

"And drop the boss part please, I'm no longer your boss." He says as he see Dutchy and Jess side beside his arm around her waist. Then he notices her rubbing her eyes, ever since the other night when the two were at his house he is now wondering if something else is going on, but like he can really do anything he has Kate right beside him not even moving, and will only move when he places his hand on the small of her back a she moves off somewhere.

"I need to go talk to Dutchy, you ok here with Charge and them?" He whispers into her ear, as his hand lands on her back. Kate nods her head to let him know she will be fine with her sailors.

"Dutchy a word please?" Mike says once he gets to him.

"Sure thing Sir, Jessica why dont you go over to Kate and talk to her. I'll be over once I'm done talking to Mike." She does as she is told and heads over towards Kate, the two watch as the two females hug each other before breaking apart.

"How's she doing?"

"Not so good, I'm on leave now."

"Is there anything I need to be worried about, or need to push a transfer request through for you two?"

"I don't know, there is something there what it is I'm still trying to work it out with your dad. I'm not sure if it is just brotherly type love, protection or more. Plus I know she like's Ryan. And thent here is the age gap."

"There is ten years between me and Kate, Dylan, all I say is don't do what I did. I left Kate ten years ago because I wasn't sure what it is was, tried to deny myself, told myself that I didn't love her. But I always have and look at where it has gotten us. Ignore the age gap, and if you figure out that its not just brotherly love, tell her be honest and don't run till she tells you how she feels about you. Support her, be there for her. If she doesn't love you like that still be there for her cause right now she needs someone to lean on. Kate isn;t going back to work in a hurry, so she is going to need someone one, if Swain doesn't pull through, as he was not just a mentor to her but like a father. It was Swains who got her to stay on with the Navy and start her medics training. Look the reason I came over here was to ask you to be around if Kate needs you as I'm sailing after this."

"Your joking right they not giving you time off to stay and help Kate?"

"No sorry, my parents are staying on, but I know she may need someone else to talk too, can I count on you to still have her back?"

"Sure thing, she is like a sister to me. I'll do anything to help her."

"That is what I thought. Looks like we are about to start, lets go get the ladies." MIke says as the two walk up to the Kate and Jessica.

An hour later the ceremony has finally finished, Mike was the last one to speak, the words he used to describe the type of person Jim was amazing. Not a bad word said at all about the man that had a small part of Kate's heart and on several occasions have safe a crew member's life.

The crews of HMAS Hammersley and HMAS Melbourne attend the whole ceremony, including taking part in the twenty one gun salute for Jim.

The crew of Melbourne had noticed how there was a Lieutenant who never left their CO side the whole time, par the when Mike gave his speech on Jim to everyone who was in attendance.

The next thing everyone hears is Kate strong voice commanding Hammersley to attention. Mike with a small smile on his face, Maxine and Steve beside him, both smiling at how she can just switch so easily into XO mood and her crew at attention. The crew of Hammersley standing to attention either side as the family of Jim walk on to Hammersley carrying Jim ashes. Maxine, Steve, and Mike both walk onto Hamersley as well behind the family, the crew staying where they are for now.

"Sir." MIke says as the two share a knowing look that has a lot of people confused at what is going on.

Mike walks off and to his XO. While he is doing this Kate has dismissed the Hammersley crew who are now getting ready to set sail. Kate waits on the docks.

"XO, get Melbourne ready to sail we're going out along with Hammersley."

"Yes Sir." He says, as he then gets the crew to work, he then walks over to Kate.

"Kate."

"Time is it?" She says as she looks down.

"Yes it is. Dylan said he'll be there if you need and mum and dad will also be here for you."

"I know it's just not going to be that easy with you gone."

"If I could I would stay but as dad said the longer I stay the harder it is going to be and the longer till you recover."

"I know be safe out there please."

"I will be I promise you that. But remember I'm only a phone call away ok?"

"Ok." She says as she looks down, he places a finger under her chin and lifts it up so he can look her in the eye.

"I love you." He mouths to her she smile and replies with a me too before they both solute and then he heads off to his ship, and she on to Hammersley.

"He'll be fine Kate."

"I know he will be Sir but it still doesn't make it any easier for me."

"I can fully understand but we are all here for you, remember that."

"I'll try sir, anyway I better get to work."

Kate heads to the bridge where she pipes leaving specials, being back at work has given Kate a boost, a boost in her own confidence and self that she can still do her job. Maxine and Steve both watch on at how much Kate seems to be in her element, knowing what to do as it needs doing. The fear of how she may cope once on board now having been pushed aside as she does her job, she guides Hammersley out as if she can do it in her sleep, then gives the ship back to the captain not before giving the Coxswain the directions on where they are going to place Jim's ashes.

Steve takes even more care to see what she does, and while they are cruising to their destination, she is checking log books, records, reports making sure everything is up to spec on her ship.

"Charge, your replacement hasn't been doing his job can you let him know he's not filling out the paperwork fully."

"Sure thing X, what's he not been doing?" He asks and he watches as the two talk. Steve as he listens realises that instead of getting angry or cross over it she asks them to correct it giving them a chance to fix the problem before being in the dog box.

While she is doing this something comes up on the screens in Austere. Steve sees the sly smirk on Charges face.

"What the hell is 2Dad's up too down there."

"Oh no he isn't getting away with that." Kate says as she grabs the Ship's intercom system.

"2dad's to the bridge, 2Dad's to the bridge now." she says over the system.

"Charge?" Steve asks. Charge says nothing just looks at Steve.

"Charge care to explain?"

"Um no ma'am."

"Charge do you want to be on ship scrubbing duties?"

"Um no ma'am, um we thought it might be nice to um try and cheer you up by doing something that we knew would get your attention."

"Oh really and how much did you pay 2Dad's to do what he did down in Austere?"

"Oh I'm being paid well X."

"Really, well whatever you're paying him you can pay me as well and go clean it up Charge we have guests on board this is not the time or place to play jokes." She replies back and they see the small smile on her face.


	12. Chapter 12 Starting the healing process

On Melbourne Mike has passed on the coordinates of where Hammersley is heading to spread Jim's asks, they following behind them.

They going a tad slower than Hammersley but they won't be far behind.

"Everything ok sir?" Mikes XO Nick Brown asks him, after seeing stare off.

"Yes everything is fine, just thinking."

"How is Hammersley Coxswain doing?"

"Swain is still in a medically induced coma, there has been no changes which we have been told is a good thing. In a critical but stable condition is all we know, his prognosis is unknown until they decide to wake him."

"So after we do what we need to do with hammersley where is our next set of orders?"

"We will be heading off doing your guys normal route, and routine. I haven't going over everything yet."

"Ok that is good to know as i can then plot our course from after this. How long do we expect to be out here with Hammersley Sir?"

"I would say about an hour, I do have to go over to Hammersley so once we are there a RHIB needs to be prepared to take me over."

"Yes Boss, I will get that sorted out right now for you."

**An hour later.**

Hammersley is at the location with Melbourne a few minutes behind.

"X, you right?"

"I'm fine Dutchy."

"No your not and don't even bother telling me otherwise." Kate shakes her head at him if to say can't get anything past you can I.

"Ok, fine then I'm not ok, but I'm a lot better than I was a few days ago, Happy now."

"A little, I told Mike that I'm on leave now Bird is struggling with what has happened to Swain so if you need me I'm only a phone call away."

"Thanks Dutchy but I think between his parents and Steve I think I may have a chance of coming out of this ok."

"I know you will come out of this, but not as Ok, but better than before."

"And what makes you say that?"

"Your talking, and what I mean by that before you say anything is that you're talking about things outside of our orders and job at hand. Since I arrived I would say our relationship has only but gotten stronger we share more between each other than we ever did before. We trust each other. Which I think is good for both of us. You've help me trust having a female in charge of me, as well as it's taught me that I can protect my XO, and that my XO also has my back, that in this job it doesn't matter what sex you are, its the team dynamics that are far more important, how we all can work together, cover each others back and know that no matter what we do, how things turn out it's never one persons fault. If it doesn't go to plan."

"Please that is finally working for you Dutchy."

"Stay positive X, you'll be back at work before you know it."

"I hope so but we shall see there is a lot more to this than just what happened the other day with Jim and Swain."

"Nothing is ever simple or easy now is it?"

"Nope not at all."

A few minutes later Mike has arrived at Hammersley and is now on board, they hold another ceremony for Jim a more private one than that on the docks, about forty five minutes into the service it comes time to spread out the ashes, everyone had now said a few words about JIm for the family, this gave them an insight into their son, how he would put his life on the line for fellow servicemen, fellow countrymen. It was nice for them to know that there were others out there who counted Jim as a friend as someone worth knowing.

Once the service is over Mike leaves to head back to Melbourne, while the crew of Hammersley start to get ready to head back to base as all were still on leave.

**HMAS Melbourne** is out cruising the high seas on their way to their routine patrol grounds.

Mike is sitting in his cabin wondering if he is doing the right thing, by going back to work so soon after Jim's death, so soon after Kate's admission of the personal, internal struggle she is going through. He understands where his father is coming from but he is also struggling himself, struggling with the knowledge that Kate has felt so low that she would think about hurting herself. He wants to be with her, be there by her side helping her through this. being her main support, her leaning post. But no he isn't allowed to be there doing what he wants, he has to be out here at work. Commanding around a ship full of sailors who are relying on him for direction, and guidance.

'_No Mike, you can do this. You have to do it for her. You may not like being back here, you may want to be at home with her supporting her, but your dad is right. You both need to get back into routine as soon as possible so that she can start to get through the fog that is in her brain. And one part of that fog is knowing that when u leave you will be returning back to land, back to her._

_Dad is right we have to do this his way even if I totally hate it.'_

He says to himself before he starts getting back to work, back to being a Commanding Officer of a multi-million dollar warship well frigate now.

**HMAS Hammersley** is heading back into port. Steve and Maxine keeping a close on Kate the whole time, both worried about how she is going to cope now Mike is back at work. But if it wasn't for Mark's backing Steve would never of sent Mike, back out he was worried just as much as Mike was about Kate's own safety, but some how Mark had been able to get some idea where it came from and knew how best to tackle the situation, and that was by sending him back to work. Though for Steve it was still a unsure step to be taking just yet, especially with the job that they do. But with Mike being at the helm there was less chance of him getting injured or hurt.

**Mike's place several hours later.**

"How is Kate doing since she has returned?"

"She's up in MIke's room and hasn't come out yet."

"Is this wise for her? are we pushing her too hard too fast, I want her better but I don't want it to cost us a fine officer." Comes from Steve who is worried about Kate.

"After our talk the other day Steve I know where most of her worries are coming from, the incident around Jim hasn't helped but that is the main problem here. Or even the trigger. What is the problem has come from her childhood, years of being neglected, forgotten."

"So her thinking of harming herself comes from her childhood."

"Your lucky she has approved me talking to you Steve or I would be breaking so many regulations right now, but yes you're correct. It comes from when her mother brought her to Australia. After that every male that has either loved her has left her, or they have entered her life and ignored her. Somehow and she hasn't figured this part out yet is why she is so attached to Mike, I know why. But it's something she has to figure out."

"Love is it isn;t it?"

"Yes and no, he has been the only male to stick around no matter what happens he has been part of her life for a good five years. He has been there for her all this time, a phone call, a door away. She hasn't realised it yet but he has been a rock to her. Because of that grounding she has with him, that has kept her afloat with everything that has been going on. Yes they do love each other but there is more to it than that. To help her we have to take away security blanket as such, but also her other fear is he will leave and not come back. This is the first time she has had to let him go out to sea, do his duty without her by his side. To be honest it's going to affect them both. Mike has had the same XO for five years, one that knows him very well, can read him like a book. He isn't going to have that out there. This is going to affect them both."

"It seems like you're trying the tough love stuff, hard and heavy stuff first."

"Yep it may seem like that, and it is in a way. Kate is not the type of person that you can band aid stuff with. She likes upfront and honest. I told her we could do this the easy slow way or the hard way, where we just rip the bandaid off fast and or we do it bit by bit."

"And she took the hard and fast route."

"She sure did. She's not trying to get back to work quicker she just doesn't want anything sugar coated. Or to be pussy footed around."

"Total Kate way of doing things, straight to the point with no mucking around at all. well not on the important things. She was before she came to work with Mike, a hard task master. Everything had to be done perfectly and to the book. If it wasn't in the book you didn't do it. Where Mike he uses the Book as a guideline, if the book says we can't do it, he will find a way around it so that he can do what he needs to do, but without breaking the rule book. They both know that book upside down, inside out and backwards. And both know it for different reasons. For Kate that book was a way of life, but for Mike and most of us it is a guideline of what we can and cannot do."

"And she has need that to get to where she is, those rules point out what can and cannot be done, for her they were her way of life, with those rules she was going to the top, they were her support system, until she came back into Mike's life again. The one and only time she ignored those rules broke her heart. It's taken not five years but taken working with Mike, him not running, her not running when she had the out. She doesn't realise it yet but even then he had become important to her again."

"Yea it was a shock when she turned down her transfer, no one has ever wanted to stay on with Mike, fleet command jumped at it and signed her to Hammersley for three years. She didn't even blink an eye or question the three year term."

"I have no idea how long this is going to take Steve, normally I prefer the more slower approach as it has less side effects, than this way. But I have to do as my patients want me to do and if this is what she wants."

"Then that is what we do, Mark. We support her and allow her to decide."

"That right Steve. we do support show her the way to go when needed and let her get there on her own terms. I just wish I could give you a time frame on all of this."

"We will play it by ear, see how she is by the time Hammersley main crew are due to sail and go from there. I can always get more leave for her if she needs it, I've already noted it down in her file that she may need more leave on medical grounds. So it won't be a shock if it happens. I already have a replacement XO coming in to even help out when she does go back, so that at any stage she feels too stressed out or for any other reason she can step down and let the other take over.'  
"That is good to hear, as I have a feeling she may want to go back to work sooner than later, knowing that there is help there for her is relief for me, though I'm right now more concerned over Mike than Kate. Here I can see her, get a understand from her moods how she is feeling, he is miles away with a pone to talk to and he is bloody good at hiding things from me."

"He's good at doing that with everyone isn't he?'

"Yes, it's just we had quite a big fight over him returning to work sooner than he wanted too. He felt we were pushing Kate to quickly, and in a way he is right but this is her choice."

"I know for a fact cause he told me this morning when I gave him the last of his orders, he's worried that with him gone she'll feel like she has lost, and that may push her over the edge and he will lose her."

"Sound about right for him, a hard, tough person on the outside but once you get past that he is a softy at heart."

"And that is why he runs the best Patrol Boat team in Australia I feel is because of the way he is with his crew. They are all like one big family, and it shows in the work they do, the results they get. Thats how they can work so well together regardless of what is going on."

"They make a good team those two."

"They sure do. Just got to hope and pray they get through this in one piece."

"They will, Mike isn't going to be here for the worst of it all, and I say in about a day or so we are going to have some tough times ahead with Kate, as she struggle with sleep deprivation, her dreams that she has when she does sleep and her fears, worries and that of life in general. And I won't be surprised if she shuts up shop on me as well during it all."

"Let's hope she doesn't do that then."

"I think she will, when it gets all too much for her to cope with she will, it will be how long they'll stay up and how easily she will let me break them down again. She is a very private person Steve and when you dig too far or go about things the wrong way she will just shut up shop on you. Am hoping to work on that as well with her, as it comes from everything that transpired after she came to Australia."

Surprised she want's to work for us then."

"She doesn't resent the country, she resent the people in her life. More so in those early days. I will get there with her, I'm not leaving till I do."

"What about your guys farm?"

"The joys of having Mike's brother back home now. He has taken over managing the property. We get a small cut which does us well and allows us to go where we are needed. Though we still have a say in any major that happens on the farm, but the day to day running is his responsibility."

The two talk for another hour or so about stuff in general, before enjoying a nice home cooked meal. Kate comes out for dinner, she doesn't really talk much and once she had finished eating she headed back to Mike's room.

"Well at least she said something." comes from Mary.

"Yes it is good that she spoke, she hasn't fully shut up on me yet."

"Maybe she won't dear, it was her choice to do it this way, so won't be holding any grudge against you."

"Oh she can still do that she can blame me for even suggesting it in the first place. But we shall see what tomorrows brings first."

The rest of the evening is spent watching T.V and talking about different things. around ten pm Steve realises that they house phone hasn't rung at all.

"Wasn't Miek going to ring tonight?"

"Yes he was, why do you ask?"

"I haven't heard any phones ring tonight."

"The little bugga, already breaking the rules." Mark says as he quickly gets his mobile and rings his son.

"Mike Flynn speaking." Come through to Mark.

"What have you forgotten to do, that you damn well promised me you wouldn't forget to do Mike."

"Um Hi dad, how you're doing son? I'm not doing so good thanks Dad, what about your self mm."

"Mike don't be a smart arse."

"I'm not being a smart arse as you put it ok, I have already run Kate I rang her about an hour ago on her mobile, because i know it won't be leaving her side and if you go check her call log you will see I am telling the truth."

"Sorry I thought you would ring the house phone first."

"I Thought of doing that but then though it be easier to ring her direct, for her it will seem like I was thinking of her, not a last minute oh I should talk to her idea. If mum goes into my room she most likely either find her still crying or with a wet pillow and asleep."

"Ok and what's wrong son?"

"I...I'll manage dad, it's just hard being out here with her like she is at home and not being able to put my arms around her and tell her it's all ok. Damn it I have to go dad duty calls."

"Ok son, talk later."


End file.
